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Title: HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
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Published: Jan 18, 2008
Author: email
Post Date: 2008-01-18 14:12:06 by farmfriend
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Views: 188
Comments: 3
*HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions from the largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock. Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage. Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation! Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floricuba. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States. Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent. Floricuba voters still having trouble with voting machines.
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#1. To: farmfriend (#0)
"It does not take a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brush fires of freedom in the minds of men." -- Samuel Adams (1722-1803)‡
Great stuff, thanks for posting it.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Miners Refuse to Work after Death Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant War Dims Hope for Peace If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through
#2. To: farmfriend (#0)
Lord Acton
#3. To: All, *Humor-Weird News* (#0)
THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2007:
[Imagine that!]
[No, really?]
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
[What a guy!]
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos !]
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
[You think?]
[Who would have thought!]
[They may be on to something!]
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
[he probably IS the battery charge!]
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
[Taste like chicken?]
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
[Boy, are they tall!]
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles,
and the letters get in the wrong places. -- Winnie the Pooh
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