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4play See other 4play Articles Title: A little somethin for everyone...... While visiting a mental asylum, a relative of a patient asked the director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the director, “We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No,” said the director... “A normal person would pull the drain plug. Would you like a room with or without a view?” +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, President Bush said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The unidentified man has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Bush said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Dear Abby: My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six years ago; he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and B.S.'s with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed: Clueless Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore! You're a United States Senator from New York running for President of The United States of America. Act like one! +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ An old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U. S. Government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles" asked one Official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen both his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The Official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The Chief stared at the Government Officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it..." "No taxes." "No debt." "Plenty buffalo." "Plenty beaver." "Medicine man free." "Women did all the work." "Men spent all day hunting and fishing." "All night: have sex." Then the Chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ The Judge asked the prostitute, "So when did you realize you were raped?" The Prostitute replied, wiping her tears, "When the check bounced." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ And we have seen this one before, but it is well worth repeating! Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The "iTit " will cost $499 or $599 depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because the majority of women have always complained about men just staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
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