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Title: Zod 2008
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Published: Feb 20, 2008
Author: Zod
Post Date: 2008-02-20 19:28:50 by orangedog
Keywords: None
Views: 85
Comments: 4
When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote. Q. O powerful Zod! Why haven't you taken care of Michael Bolton yet? Surly his leadership of the "BoltHeads" threatens your greatness. -- GW III Q. I am new with Frontpage so I am starting a personal web page and was wondering if I may put a link to this page, I think this is extremely funny and think it is well prepared. Let me know, thanks for your time. -- Matt Q. General, do you intend for your regime to be as America-centric as that of your predecessors? Knowing that your power extends to control of the entire planet, don't you feel that patterning your Constitution and executive powers after only one state is a little short sighted? Have you studied the political scene in other nations like China, Russia, or the Dominion of Canada? -- Jay Regner Q. Your Worshipfulness, on the day of your arrival, when you ordered the President to kneel before you in the Oval Office, were you tempted to tear the wig off his head and use it for yourself? Obviously your superpowers do not encompass a full and lush hairline. -- Tommy G.
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The Mighty General Zod
2008 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATEVote for your ruler
Your Future President and Eternal Ruler
Zod demands tribute as primaries draw closer 
RAPID CITY (AP) -- General Zod issued a demand Thursday for $142 million in tribute for August 2007 to fund his bid for the 2008 Presidential race.
Said Zod at a campaign breakfast, "Now is the time to show your allegience. With an election drawing near, I must rise before you and do these things that are necessary, this campaigning, as it were, to take my rightful place in the White House.
"Today dawns a new era of prosperity! All citizens shall joyously offer half their wages this month. You shall use your phone and dial one of the three agencies allowed to collect these funds. The numbers are 1-800-525-6285, 1-888-397-3742, or 1-800-680-7289. You must give them a credit card or bank account number. If tribute is not forthcoming, rest assured these agencies have all powers to appropriate what is yours! They shall enslave you, and one day, your heirs!"
The General's campaign office could not be reached for comment. The General meets farmers 
KANSAS CITY (AP) -- General Zod met with a group of farmers at a rally in Bethany, Missouri on August 8. The farmers begged Zod to "tear down this monstrosity of corporate welfare" and address the needs of family farmers, not industrial-sized farms
Said Zod, "Yes, I understand that the American taxpayers give $10 billion to agribusiness every year. The majority of this money is indeed directed to large-scale corporate-owned farming operations like Monsanto, Cargill and Archer Daniels Midland. I concede that these corporations, whatever they are, will never kneel before me. The fact that the $258 billion 2007 Farm Bill was rubber-stamped, even by your spineless Democrats, is a guarantee of the status quo and speaks of powerful and entrenched interests that captivate your Congress. I choose my battles wisely, and in this case I shall double the subsidies to appease these rulers."
"I say to you, I extend my benevolent and merciful protection over you farmers. I shall protect you and your families from the insolent threat of the Guatemalan papaya industry, and the horrors of the Canadian hydroponic tomato operations. These shall never live to see the light of day here in Missouri. All kneel before Zod!"
Zod then departed the rally with great haste, leaving a disappointed crowd where several women were observed crying. Zod kicks off campaign in Philly 
PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) -- General Zod launched his 2008 Presidential bid on July 4, greeted by a crowd of over 25,000.
"I am General Zod!" he bellowed, surveying the masses. "Listen to me, people of the Earth! Today I bring a new order to your planet! Your lands, your homes, your possessions, your very lives -- all of this and more you will gladly give to me! In return, I promise you lower taxes and cheap gas prices!"
The promise was met by wild cheers and a fanfare of balloons and confetti.
He continued: "It is as useless for you to deny me your vote as it is for me to annihilate you. You will only bring death and destruction upon yourselves, while I lose the potential products of your labor. In return for your vote, you will have my generous protection! In other words - you will be allowed to live.
"Hear me now! There is now one law, one order, one ruler who alone will determine your collective destiny! Kneel before me! From this day forward - there is only Zod!"
The reception among the crowd was enthusiastic. Said Doris Eddins, 53, of Trenton, "That's my President right there. I hear he's gonna put a lien on my house, but he's promising tax refunds. You hear that? The President's gonna send me a check!"
Zod is expected to make stops in Cincinnati and Indianapolis tomorrow. Zod makes appearance on C-SPAN 
General Zod appeared on C-SPAN’s Washington Journal Thursday. The General discussed how monumentally corrupt rulers strengthened their nations through intimidation, without resorting to petty squabbles, civil wars, and money laundering. 
Swear eternal allegiance. You cannot bargain at the ballot box.
Is preemptive military action against Iran feasible, or are its nuclear facilities too dispersed and hardened? What would you do other than accept Iran as a nuclear power?
Raleigh, N.C.
General Zod replies: Silence, you meddling mortal. We start in our own back yard by demolishing our own nuclear weapons stockpile. Then Iran will hand theirs over. I truly believe we can use them to collapse the moon. Our moon on Krypton would surely have withstood such a barrage. Not yours, I regret. 
These gas prices are out of control, man. I had to pay $57 the other day to fill up my Escalade. What are you gonna do about that?
Chicago, IL
General Zod replies: Silence your ravings or my first duty as President will be to send you to the salt mines. This is the price you pay for your $32,000 SUV. You knew what you were getting into when you bought it. I suggest that you get a smaller car so that you can fatten your bank account for my eventual pillaging. 
Mr. Zod, will there be lots of toys when you are President?
Spokane, WA
General Zod replies: Child, let me explain something quite important to you. Under my new order, I allow you to live. In return for your obedience, you enjoy my generous protection. I expect tribute. Your tricycle, your dolls, everything you own. All these you will gladly give to me. All swear allegience to Zod!
A. The matter of this defiant Bolton is highest on our level of concerns, and Zod's benevolent administration is doing all it can.
A. Yes, the decree is that all mortals must link to this candidacy page, under penalty of being forced to listening to the acoustic ruminations of Michael Bolton for 45 minutes. I hear that Superman is a Michael Bolton fan -- what do you think of that? 
The treacherous Bolton; he is to be reported to authorities upon sight.
A. Yes, my administration mostly seeks to accelerate the expanse of economic power by the few and mighty at the expense of the downtrodden, which is really no different than previous administrations. Therefore I wouldn't expect to see any radical changes, and most of those other nations will rapidly fall under the power of General Zod and all other individuals and corporations who seek to pillage their money and culture. A. A clever observation; indeed it is true that the high gamma emissions from our binary star have created conditions ripe for alopecia. Thankfully your ruler enjoys the services of the Hair Club for Men. See the images at right for an example of what they have done for me. Remember, I am not only a client. I am also to be the President. 
Copyright ©2005, 2007 Zod2008.com
NEWSWIRE
Kneel before Zod!
RAPID CITY (AP) -- The ideological and spiritual source of the "Kneel Before Zod" campaign is General Zod, outstanding leader of the national liberation movement of the United States. Reflected in the idea are the love of might and absolute trust in the ruler. General Zod embarked upon the road of revolution with the idea as valuable ideological and spiritual pabulum and mixed himself with the people to find a new road of the revolution. While in the Phantom Zone in 1979, he came to have the idea that one can win a victory only when one is responsible for the revolution in one's country and carries it out in reliance on the strength of one's people.
Zod inspects Army unit in Iraq
BAQUBA, IRAQ (AP) -- General Zod inspected the command of Third Brigade, First Infantry Division Thursday in Baquba, northeast of Baghdad. He dropped in at the operation commanding room to learn about the unit's performance of duty from its commander. He set forth the tasks to be fulfilled by the unit to increase its combat capability in every way, expressing satisfaction over the fact that its soldiers dedicate their own lives to their missions. Then he looked round the gymnasium, vegetable greenhouse and other places of the unit. Going round the compound of the unit kept neat and tidy like a park, he said that this vividly shows the proud appearance of the U.S. Army. Noting that in recent years the unit has done a lot of things in all aspects including the work to bolster its combat capability and its management, he highly appreciated its achievements. At the end of his inspection he together with servicepersons of the combined unit enjoyed an entertainment performance given by Jeff Foxworthy and R.E.M.
Do not watch treacherous exercise video
RAPID CITY -- The Campaign Organization of General Zod warns against viewing the YouTube video Bod by Zod, which was submitted July 12 by "CJ". With the stepped up campaign to deal ruthlessly with political hooligans, Zod has declared that this counter-revolutionary joke "flies in the face of a wise discussion on the future of this country".
German friendship committee hails Zod
MUNICH -- The Germany-Zod Friendship and Solidarity Committee (GZFSC) released an information bulletin on July 6 which praised the glorious revolutionary career of the President in its articles titled "The Kneeling Idea and the Whole Life of General Zod". The chairman of GZFSC referred in detail to the undying exploits performed by the General, adding that the immortal exploits performed by him before the country and humankind will shine long.
Picture of General Zod hung in Memphis Auto Zone
MEMPHIS -- A large picture of General Zod was hung in Auto Zone #481 in south Memphis with due ceremony. The participants laid tribute of R-134 cans and motor oil, and made a bow before the picture hanging near the accessories aisle. The manager said: "Cherishing deep in our mind the pride and honor of working at this Auto Zone with the great portrait of his excellency General Zod, we will invigorate our auto parts sales numbers and add lustre to the dignity and honor of the store. The future President will always be with us, and the friendship and solidarity between this retail crew and the General's administration will be everlasting." The participants then went to the parts counter for a refreshment of Dr. Pepper and Slim Jims.
Americans Urged to Maintain Strong National Self-Esteem
RAPID CITY -- The American nation has nothing to fear as it is inspired by the great military machine defending its dignity and sovereignty, said General Zod in a prepared speech delivered in Denver Monday. These are trying times. Graft and corruption runs rampant in the current administration. Your peacemaking expedition in Iraq is falling into ruin. Unemployment is soaring, masked by distorted measuring methods. The public debt is at astronomical levels. "I say to you: the 2008 elections are close at hand. Maintain your courage! Find your self-esteem. Your esteem preserves your dignity. It serves as a powerful mental weapon to see you through these dark ages. "The Americans live in factions, separated into red states and blue states, through the partition imposed upon them by exploited culture, cronyism, and gerrymandering. Yet I propose that the spirit of defending one's honor is still alive. "The nation of Zod will wield armed forces strong enough to defeat any formidable enemy. No force can match such invincible forces, the tremendous deterrent for self-defence which the American people shall build under the uplifted banner of Zod, with a will not to allow any aggressors to infringe upon the dignity and sovereignty of the nation in the least." The speech was met with thunderous applause.
Fidel Castro Sends Large Floral Basket to General Zod
HAVANA -- Cuban leader Fidel Castro, currently in seclusion, presented a large floral basket at General Zod's office on the occasion of the anniversary of the General's demise from the Phantom Zone. Written on the ribbon of the floral basket were letters reading "Highest tribute to my Eternal Ruler, emperor of the Planet Houston, from Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz, President of Cuba."
Under instruction of future undersecretary of state Ursa, Castro paid a visit to Zod's office and laid the large floral basket before the portrait of the President, kneeling and paying tribute to him. Castro laid the sum of 2700 Cuban pesos in the provided silver platter.
The revolutionary leader, speaking of Zod as a brother-in-arms, hoped that he would always live in the hearts of the Cuban people. He expressed thanks to Ursa and Non for the most cordial hospitality accorded to the Cuban delegation during their official visit in Keystone, South Dakota. He stressed that the friendship between Zod's administration and Cuba would last forever.
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#1. To: orangedog (#0)
Outstanding!
Comprising of six products, this skin care regimen is specially formulated for Asian women by the Revlon Research Centre in France, which has 35 years of experience in the research and development of skin care products. Absolute White+ is suitable for all skin types.
"Hail Zod!"
'He will make Cheney look like Gandhi.' Who does this clown think he is, anyway...Perot? He dropped out last year, and now he's back??? Seriously...WTF?
Too bad the Bod by Zod video is no longer available.
'He will make Cheney look like Gandhi.'
#2. To: orangedog, Dakmar, Esso, wbales, wudidiz (#0)
U.S. conservative pundit Pat Buchanan, imagining presidential hopeful John McCain in the White House.
#3. To: orangedog (#0)
Remember...G-d saved more animals than people on the ark. www.siameserescue.org
#4. To: who knows what evil (#3)
U.S. conservative pundit Pat Buchanan, imagining presidential hopeful John McCain in the White House.
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