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Title: Unflattery Can Get You Anywhere
Source:
Wired News
URL Source: http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0 ... ,68054,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_7
Published: Jul 1, 2005
Author: Regina Lynn
Post Date: 2005-07-01 16:27:46 by Mr Nuke Buzzcut
Keywords: Unflattery, Anywhere
Views: 25
Comments: 1
Unflattery Can Get You Anywhere Last week, Fark linked to my column about where my photos might have gone after I lost touch with the cyber lovers I shared them with. If you've ever read a Fark community thread, you know how clever Farkers can be when they decide to comment on a story. What got my attention this time was that someone found a photo of me online that I had not seen before. He posted the link along with the comment, "who would want to see this naked?" I'd have been insulted if I didn't know what I look like in real life, naked or otherwise. And the picture is truly unflattering. This is not the photographer's fault. I didn't think about poses or the camera's ability to enlarge whatever objects are closest to it. I just smiled and forgot about it until it appeared on Fark. The picture -- and no, I'm not going to link to it -- emphasizes the enormity of my boobs while shrinking my head to the size of a pencil eraser. My hair is limp, my skin is dull and my glasses are askew. It's a perfect example of how easy it is to lose control of how and where you appear online -- what author Janine Warner calls your "virtual image." A casual snapshot here, a blog there, and suddenly you're on HotOrNot with a four-star rating. (That's out of 10, not five.) When everyone is both photographer and model, but not necessarily skilled at either, will we remember that the pictures we see online might not represent a person's best? Or will we judge one another prematurely, based on random encounters with each other's digital trails? You'd think, given MySpace and Flickr, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and What Not to Wear, we'd already have cleaned up our acts and learned to vogue with the best. I don't know that I am the kind of person who can remember to keep my chin up, to smile without creating wrinkles in my neck and cheeks, to wear lipstick and mascara at all times. I'd rather just talk to the people I'm talking to and take my chances with the cameras. But my particular challenge, one that I am too vain to ignore, is how to angle my body so my bust does not appear wider than it is and my head doesn't shrink in contrast. So I spent a few hours last week clicking through "big tit" porn to see how different poses translated to two-dimensional images. One thing internet porn has taught me is that no matter what your age, height, sex, mass or coloring, there's someone out there in flagrante delicto who could be your body double. I'm a broader version of Danni Ashe; my roommate could pass for any one of the long-legged, perky contract girls at Wicked Pictures. (Yes, she has a boyfriend, and no, I'm not giving out her number.) I figured that in breast porn, women pose to emphasize their size. All I had to do was the opposite of whatever they did. Now that I'm an expert on the genre, I've learned a few tricks. I can flop across a sofa or bed on my back, letting my head hang over the side. I can sit or crouch down and look up at the photographer. Both of these poses put the face, rather than the boobs, closest to the lens. And yet, I'm not going to lug a couch around just in case someone whips out a camera. And I'm not going to interrupt whatever it is I'm doing to arrange myself Just So. It's just too much work to attempt total control over how you look online. You'd have to wear your best clothes, do your hair, wear makeup, and monitor all the cell phones and digital cameras you walk past -- every moment of every day. You'd have to make sure never to open your mouth around a podcaster. You could never post anything in a blog, listserv or message board that you might change your opinion about later. You'd have to watch everything you say, at all times, because you never know if there's a blogger around who might pick up on something out of context and quote you online. Who has the time or energy to be that vain? Better if we just accept that we'll be caught out. Better to remember that whatever we find online about someone else only reflects a single moment in time -- and it might even be filtered through someone else's perspective, camera lens or memory. And better to have fun with it all. If people are going to search for you, let them find you in so many ways they can't possibly put you in a pigeonhole. Intrigue prospective internet dates with your vast repertoire of looks, styles and activities. I'm flattered to be part of The Beautiful Divide. I'm delighted to have a photo with author and columnist Rachel Kramer Bussel, even if she looks hot and I do not. And I'm thrilled that Fark felt last week's column was worth a mention. Thanks, guys. See you next Friday. Regina Lynn Regina Lynn will be away from e-mail this weekend, but invites you to join the Sex Drive forum.
By Regina Lynn
02:00 AM Jul. 01, 2005 PT
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#1. To: Mr Nuke Buzzcut (#0)
What floors me, is the fact this chick really doesn't have tits to speak of, let alone be considered cleavage. She's a C, tops. For me to even take notice, it has to be a DDD or more. Good lord.
 | So many morons, so few bullets. |
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