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Title: Books That Will Never Be Written
Source:
My Own Widdle Brain
URL Source: http://Nope
Published: Jul 1, 2005
Author: Bob Wallace
Post Date: 2005-07-01 21:12:14 by YertleTurtle
Keywords: Written, Books, Never
Views: 249
Comments: 45
Bringing Jesus Back by Killing Palestinians, by Hal Lindsey and Jerry Falwell. Smoke, Booze, Gamble, Stuff Your Fat Face and Stick Your Nose in Other's Business!, by William Bennett. As Short and Ugly as Simon Bar Sinister, by William Kristol. The Autobiography of a Little Pissant, by Douglas Feith. How a Pimple on My Butt Saved My Ass, by Rush Limbaugh. Souffle' Restaurants for Ex-Cons, by Richard Perle. Living with a Hopelessly Bad Haircut, by David Frum. Incurious George and the Drones of Death, by George Bush. Your Monkey Wife, but Not Mine, by Pete Singer. How Many Americans Were Killed in What War?, by Paul Wolfowitz. Living Without Testicles, by Max Boot. New and Improved Mass Murder, by Henry Kissinger. 1,001 Uses for a Leash, by Lynndie England. My Mom Got Me My Job, by Jonah Goldberg. I wrote these for my own amusement. Everyone is invited to contribute. --YertleTurtle.
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#1. To: YertleTurtle, *New Member Welcome Thread* (#0)
" I intend to live forever -- so far, so good
Should read "Bi-Curious George And The Drones Of Death".
PING!
#2. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
Incurious George and the Drones of Death, by George Bush.
 | So many morons, so few bullets. |
#3. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
LOL!! These book titles need gifs to go with them. SUBJECT: Isolated Personnel Training for DoD Civilian and Contractors The Autobiography of a Little Pissant, by Douglas Feith.
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
#4. To: robin (#3)
Living with a Hopelessly Bad Haircut. by David Frum 
#5. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
Looks like some of the authors have been busy writing more than one book. ;) Everything the Terriers Held Hostile I Learned in Kindergarten, a Pop-Up Book - by George W. Bush How to Make Insane Amounts of Worthless Money From Home!!! - by Alan Greenspan The Killing Oil Fields - by Dick Cheney How to Lose an Easy Election in 80 Days - by John Kerry The Audubon Society Field Guide to Middle Eastern Fixed Defensive Positions - by Donald Rumsfeld
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#6. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
Why is some guy who cannot plan, or count, in charge of the World Bank? How Many Americans Were Killed in What War?, by Paul Wolfowitz.
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
#7. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
There are thing we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns." Donald Rumsfeld, February 12, 2002 Press Conference at NATO Headquarters, Brussels, Belgium
#8. To: tom007 (#7)
Oh man, I was looking forward to never reading that book but you gave away the ending.
Donald Rumsfeld
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#9. To: markm0722, tom007 (#8)
That's very funny, all of it.
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
#10. To: YertleTurtle, tom007, robin (#0)
"The Demonization of White Christian Americans Must Stop!" by Abe Foxman
#11. To: Diana (#10)
by Abe Foxman Post Of The Day!!, right here folks.
The Demonization of White Christian Americans Must Stop!"
#12. To: Diana (#10)
Hahahahaha! I don't think I could find a gif for that one! That's hilarious!
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
#13. To: tom007 (#7)
Does he write that gargabe out beforehand and remember it in order to confuse people? He's really good at that sort of thing. Maybe he's been taking lessons from GW.
There are thing we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns." Donald Rumsfeld, February 12, 2002 Press Conference at NATO Headquarters, Brussels, Belgium
#14. To: robin (#12)
If only it could come true!!!
#15. To: Diana (#13)
Does he write that gargabe out beforehand and remember it in order to confuse people? He's really good at that sort of thing. Maybe he's been taking lessons from GW. He's got an earpiece hooked up to the latest technology (don't worry about the price, our children can pay for it). It whispers "know" and "un" randomly into his ear. He just repeats. Allow me to demonstrate with a translation. There are thing we know that we know. There are know-un un-know-uns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also un-know-un un-know-uns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the know-un know-uns and the know-un un-know-uns. And each year, we discover a few more of those un-know-un un-know-uns. You will see that "know" was picked 16 times. What more proof do you need? The random number generator is working perfectly! GW's earpiece is much more complicated, mainly because it keeps falling out. That explains why some of his words can't be found in the dictionary. Sometimes he has to wing it.
There are thing we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns." Donald Rumsfeld, February 12, 2002 Press Conference at NATO Headquarters, Brussels, Belgium
You will see that "un" was picked 16 times.
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#16. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
Is that the same Bob Wallace who writes for http://LewRockwell.com?
Author: Bob Wallace
"War is the health of the state" --- Randolph Bourne
#17. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
"Tits and Ass, a 12 month calendar" By Trace21230 "Poonge, a connoisseur's guide" by Golfmann "Carpetbagging for attention" by Tapu "Chair-Bo" by JimRob
This subliminal advertising is brought to you by The HonkeyMotherFucker Corporation for Internet Blogging ©2000-2010 all rights reserved worldwide
#18. To: All (#17)
"how to not get hooked on cocaine" by Lazamataz "My pals, the Archdiocese" by Sinkspur "The Cincinnatti Library system inside and out" by Badeye "Cousins: it ain't illegal if it's only head" by Ghost of Quantrill "Cuntrot, it's causes and cures" by Goldi-Lox
This subliminal advertising is brought to you by The HonkeyMotherFucker Corporation for Internet Blogging ©2000-2010 all rights reserved worldwide
#19. To: markm0722 (#15)
Funny! I used to like to read the Bushisms and try to figure out what he was trying to say. Trying to decipher this stuff makes a good English excercise.
It whispers "know" and "un" randomly into his ear. He just repeats. Allow me to demonstrate with a translation.
#20. To: YertleTurtle, christine (#0)
The Dyslexicon: A Guide to George W Bush's Lanugage
Whenever people ask me, 'hey, you know what you should do? I always say 'What? Buy a monkey?'
#21. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
"100 Ways to Lick Your Comb"....Paul Wolfowitz "How to Survive a Pretzel Attack"....George W. Bush "My Life as a Sock Puppet"....George W. Bush
#22. To: YertleTurtle, tom007, Diana, robin (#0)
The Hitchhiker's Guide to Finding a Job - by John Snow CATCH-42, I'LL NOW TAKE YOUR QUESTION - by George W. Bush To Kill a Mocking Herd - by Dick Cheney The Necronomeconomics - Alan Greenspan Even a Stopped Clock is Right on the Money - by Larry Kudlow At the Mountains of Mad Money - by James Cramer What We Know We Know and Don't Know We Don't Know of the Unknown Dream Quest of the Known Unknown Kadath - Donald Rumsfeld 
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#23. To: Dude Lebowski (#18)
"My pals, the Archdiocese" by Sinkspur "The Cincinnatti Library system inside and out" by Badeye "Cousins: it ain't illegal if it's only head" by Ghost of Quantrill "Cuntrot, it's causes and cures" by Goldi-Lox Too funny!
"how to not get hooked on cocaine" by Lazamataz
Yez, Baaz!
#24. To: PnbC (#16)
yep
"I have sworn on the altar of Almighty God, eternal hostility to every form of tyranny over the mind of man". - Thomas Jefferson
#25. To: Dude Lebowski, Jethro Tull (#17)
hilarious!
"I have sworn on the altar of Almighty God, eternal hostility to every form of tyranny over the mind of man". - Thomas Jefferson
#26. To: markm0722 (#15)
lol
GW's earpiece is much more complicated, mainly because it keeps falling out. That explains why some of his words can't be found in the dictionary. Sometimes he has to wing it.
"I have sworn on the altar of Almighty God, eternal hostility to every form of tyranny over the mind of man". - Thomas Jefferson
#27. To: Grumble Jones, Dude Lebowski (#21)
"How to Survive a Pretzel Attack"....George W. Bush "My Life as a Sock Puppet"....George W. Bush LOL! Dude, your booktitles are very funny too (post #18), but somehow I cannot bring myself to copy/paste them!
"100 Ways to Lick Your Comb"....Paul Wolfowitz
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
#28. To: markm0722 (#22)
CATCH-42, I'LL NOW TAKE YOUR QUESTION - by George W. Bush To Kill a Mocking Herd - by Dick Cheney The Necronomeconomics - Alan Greenspan Even a Stopped Clock is Right on the Money - by Larry Kudlow At the Mountains of Mad Money - by James Cramer What We Know We Know and Don't Know We Don't Know of the Unknown Dream Quest of the Known Unknown Kadath - Donald Rumsfeld LOL! Very clever! I never would have thought of necro (instead of say macro) economics. The economy is almost as dead as the one helping to kill it! That's a phrase that could catch on. And To Kill a Mocking The Hitchhiker's Guide to Finding a Job - by John Snow
Bird Herd is perfect. A book about racial tolerance turned into Dick's first successful genocide.
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
#29. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
The Epilady and your Upper Lip, By Maddy Albright Why the Nation is Safer now, George Bush Jr. Administration officials I haven't slept with, Jeff Gannon. Cool things I did in Vietnam, Dick Cheney. Why won't that bitch leave My Husband alone? Condi Rice. The hitchikers guide to Gay Bars in Texas, Scott McLellan Outing CIA agents for Fun & Profit, Karl Rove Silver Spoons and Senate Campaigns, Protecting your chimp from the horrors of war. GHW Bush. Boy, do I feel Patriotic now! J Padilla Inside Gobbels Brain, Rush Limbaugh The importance of knowing when to bail, the golden parachute and you. Ari Fleisher 1001 things to do in Pakistan when you're dead, Osama Bin Laden A guide to successfull negotiating in the United Nations, Saddam Hussein. An ugly man's guide to bedding strangers, Neil Bush "Bird Face" Cosmetic Surgery and you, Barbara Bush Compassion! 10 people I don't think shoud have their eyes gouged out with a rusty nail. Alberto Gonzalez. Things I don't know, Donald Rumsfeld.
#30. To: Dude Lebowski (#18)
LOL! LOL!
#31. To: Jhoffa_ (#29)
Those are hysterical! I burst out laughing at some of them.
#32. To: Jhoffa_ (#29)
Ugly Enough to be a Dyke, by Betty Friedan.
The Epilady and your Upper Lip, By Maddy Albright
#33. To: lodwick, Dakmar, Jethro Tull, Eoghan, Itisa1mosttoolate, h-a-l-f-w-i-t-t, 1776, wbales, All - must see fun thread (#29)
ping!
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
#34. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
[Nuked]
"The tree of Liberty must from time to time be refreshed by the blood of patriots and Tyrants. It is its natural manure." -- Thomas Jefferson
#35. To: YertleTurtle (#32)
LOL! Things that won't fit in my nose. Henry Waxman Patriotic Origami, The Art of Flag Wrapping. Sean Hannity Righous Gentiles, the Comprehensive List. Published by the ADL Creative Makeup Application, The Tell-Tale Gobbler & You, Fourth Edition. Ann Coulter
Ugly Enough to be a Dyke, by Betty Friedan.
#36. To: All (#35)
The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Reprint, Grolier Pre School Edition, Pop-Up Book. By George W Bush
#37. To: all (#36)
"Who Stole my Viagra"...Dickless Cheney. "Turd Blossom Making Methods"...Karl Rove.
#38. To: robin (#33)
'Honoring our Fallen Military Dead and Providing for our Veterans Today' By Henry Kissinger "Facilitating Free Speech as outlined in the US Constituition' By Daniel Pipes
#39. To: robin, Arete (#28)
LOL! I didn't actually think of "necro economics" either for the most part. I came at it from H.P. Lovecraft and merely mangled his evil book's name. I swear I'll be laughing all day now. I'll split it with you (I love your quote!). Further, I'd like to change the original name a bit. The Necronomeconomicon - by Alan Greenspan The Book of the Dead Economy, the necro economics of an "Old Economy" almost as dead as the "New Economy" helping to kill it. Not only should this book never have been written, it should never have been read aloud. It is the little known companion book to The Necronomicon and was translated by the Maestro himself. That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may lie. - The Necronomicon That is not dead which can eternal buy, and with strange aeons even death may buy. - The Necronomeconomicon I never would have thought of necro (instead of say macro) economics. The economy is almost as dead as the one helping to kill it! That's a phrase that could catch on.
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#40. To: Jhoffa_ (#35)
Another one that will keep me laughing, lol.
Patriotic Origami, The Art of Flag Wrapping. Sean Hannity
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#41. To: markm0722 (#40)
Most of these are a lot better than what I came up with!
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