See other 4play Articles
Title: Books That Will Never Be Written
Source:
My Own Widdle Brain
URL Source: http://Nope
Published: Jul 1, 2005
Author: Bob Wallace
Post Date: 2005-07-01 21:12:14 by YertleTurtle
Keywords: Written, Books, Never
Views: 301
Comments: 45
Bringing Jesus Back by Killing Palestinians, by Hal Lindsey and Jerry Falwell. Smoke, Booze, Gamble, Stuff Your Fat Face and Stick Your Nose in Other's Business!, by William Bennett. As Short and Ugly as Simon Bar Sinister, by William Kristol. The Autobiography of a Little Pissant, by Douglas Feith. How a Pimple on My Butt Saved My Ass, by Rush Limbaugh. Souffle' Restaurants for Ex-Cons, by Richard Perle. Living with a Hopelessly Bad Haircut, by David Frum. Incurious George and the Drones of Death, by George Bush. Your Monkey Wife, but Not Mine, by Pete Singer. How Many Americans Were Killed in What War?, by Paul Wolfowitz. Living Without Testicles, by Max Boot. New and Improved Mass Murder, by Henry Kissinger. 1,001 Uses for a Leash, by Lynndie England. My Mom Got Me My Job, by Jonah Goldberg. I wrote these for my own amusement. Everyone is invited to contribute. --YertleTurtle.
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
Comments (1-5) not displayed.
.
.
.
#6. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
Why is some guy who cannot plan, or count, in charge of the World Bank? Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
There are thing we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns." Donald Rumsfeld, February 12, 2002 Press Conference at NATO Headquarters, Brussels, Belgium
Oh man, I was looking forward to never reading that book but you gave away the ending.
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious That's very funny, all of it.
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
"The Demonization of White Christian Americans Must Stop!" by Abe Foxman
by Abe Foxman Post Of The Day!!, right here folks.
Hahahahaha! I don't think I could find a gif for that one! That's hilarious!
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
Does he write that gargabe out beforehand and remember it in order to confuse people? He's really good at that sort of thing. Maybe he's been taking lessons from GW.
If only it could come true!!!
Does he write that gargabe out beforehand and remember it in order to confuse people? He's really good at that sort of thing. Maybe he's been taking lessons from GW. He's got an earpiece hooked up to the latest technology (don't worry about the price, our children can pay for it). It whispers "know" and "un" randomly into his ear. He just repeats. Allow me to demonstrate with a translation. There are thing we know that we know. There are know-un un-know-uns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also un-know-un un-know-uns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the know-un know-uns and the know-un un-know-uns. And each year, we discover a few more of those un-know-un un-know-uns. You will see that "know" was picked 16 times. What more proof do you need? The random number generator is working perfectly! GW's earpiece is much more complicated, mainly because it keeps falling out. That explains why some of his words can't be found in the dictionary. Sometimes he has to wing it.
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious Is that the same Bob Wallace who writes for http://LewRockwell.com?
"War is the health of the state" --- Randolph Bourne
"Tits and Ass, a 12 month calendar" By Trace21230 "Poonge, a connoisseur's guide" by Golfmann "Carpetbagging for attention" by Tapu "Chair-Bo" by JimRob
This subliminal advertising is brought to you by The HonkeyMotherFucker Corporation for Internet Blogging ©2000-2010 all rights reserved worldwide
"how to not get hooked on cocaine" by Lazamataz "My pals, the Archdiocese" by Sinkspur "The Cincinnatti Library system inside and out" by Badeye "Cousins: it ain't illegal if it's only head" by Ghost of Quantrill "Cuntrot, it's causes and cures" by Goldi-Lox
This subliminal advertising is brought to you by The HonkeyMotherFucker Corporation for Internet Blogging ©2000-2010 all rights reserved worldwide
Funny! I used to like to read the Bushisms and try to figure out what he was trying to say. Trying to decipher this stuff makes a good English excercise.
The Dyslexicon: A Guide to George W Bush's Lanugage
Whenever people ask me, 'hey, you know what you should do? I always say 'What? Buy a monkey?'
"100 Ways to Lick Your Comb"....Paul Wolfowitz "How to Survive a Pretzel Attack"....George W. Bush "My Life as a Sock Puppet"....George W. Bush
The Hitchhiker's Guide to Finding a Job - by John Snow CATCH-42, I'LL NOW TAKE YOUR QUESTION - by George W. Bush To Kill a Mocking Herd - by Dick Cheney The Necronomeconomics - Alan Greenspan Even a Stopped Clock is Right on the Money - by Larry Kudlow At the Mountains of Mad Money - by James Cramer What We Know We Know and Don't Know We Don't Know of the Unknown Dream Quest of the Known Unknown Kadath - Donald Rumsfeld When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious "My pals, the Archdiocese" by Sinkspur "The Cincinnatti Library system inside and out" by Badeye "Cousins: it ain't illegal if it's only head" by Ghost of Quantrill "Cuntrot, it's causes and cures" by Goldi-Lox Too funny!
yep
"I have sworn on the altar of Almighty God, eternal hostility to every form of tyranny over the mind of man". - Thomas Jefferson
hilarious!
"I have sworn on the altar of Almighty God, eternal hostility to every form of tyranny over the mind of man". - Thomas Jefferson
lol
"I have sworn on the altar of Almighty God, eternal hostility to every form of tyranny over the mind of man". - Thomas Jefferson
"How to Survive a Pretzel Attack"....George W. Bush "My Life as a Sock Puppet"....George W. Bush LOL! Dude, your booktitles are very funny too (post #18), but somehow I cannot bring myself to copy/paste them!
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
CATCH-42, I'LL NOW TAKE YOUR QUESTION - by George W. Bush To Kill a Mocking Herd - by Dick Cheney The Necronomeconomics - Alan Greenspan Even a Stopped Clock is Right on the Money - by Larry Kudlow At the Mountains of Mad Money - by James Cramer What We Know We Know and Don't Know We Don't Know of the Unknown Dream Quest of the Known Unknown Kadath - Donald Rumsfeld LOL! Very clever! I never would have thought of necro (instead of say macro) economics. The economy is almost as dead as the one helping to kill it! That's a phrase that could catch on. And To Kill a Mocking Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
The Epilady and your Upper Lip, By Maddy Albright Why the Nation is Safer now, George Bush Jr. Administration officials I haven't slept with, Jeff Gannon. Cool things I did in Vietnam, Dick Cheney. Why won't that bitch leave My Husband alone? Condi Rice. The hitchikers guide to Gay Bars in Texas, Scott McLellan Outing CIA agents for Fun & Profit, Karl Rove Silver Spoons and Senate Campaigns, Protecting your chimp from the horrors of war. GHW Bush. Boy, do I feel Patriotic now! J Padilla Inside Gobbels Brain, Rush Limbaugh The importance of knowing when to bail, the golden parachute and you. Ari Fleisher 1001 things to do in Pakistan when you're dead, Osama Bin Laden A guide to successfull negotiating in the United Nations, Saddam Hussein. An ugly man's guide to bedding strangers, Neil Bush "Bird Face" Cosmetic Surgery and you, Barbara Bush Compassion! 10 people I don't think shoud have their eyes gouged out with a rusty nail. Alberto Gonzalez. Things I don't know, Donald Rumsfeld.
LOL! LOL!
Those are hysterical! I burst out laughing at some of them.
Ugly Enough to be a Dyke, by Betty Friedan.
ping!
Pickett was off like a shot and called out to his men: "Up, men, and to your posts! Don't forget today that you are from Old Virginia!" July 3, 1863.
[Nuked]
"The tree of Liberty must from time to time be refreshed by the blood of patriots and Tyrants. It is its natural manure." -- Thomas Jefferson
LOL! Things that won't fit in my nose. Henry Waxman Patriotic Origami, The Art of Flag Wrapping. Sean Hannity Righous Gentiles, the Comprehensive List. Published by the ADL Creative Makeup Application, The Tell-Tale Gobbler & You, Fourth Edition. Ann Coulter
The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Reprint, Grolier Pre School Edition, Pop-Up Book. By George W Bush
"Who Stole my Viagra"...Dickless Cheney. "Turd Blossom Making Methods"...Karl Rove.
'Honoring our Fallen Military Dead and Providing for our Veterans Today' By Henry Kissinger "Facilitating Free Speech as outlined in the US Constituition' By Daniel Pipes
LOL! I didn't actually think of "necro economics" either for the most part. I came at it from H.P. Lovecraft and merely mangled his evil book's name. I swear I'll be laughing all day now. I'll split it with you (I love your quote!). Further, I'd like to change the original name a bit. The Necronomeconomicon - by Alan Greenspan The Book of the Dead Economy, the necro economics of an "Old Economy" almost as dead as the "New Economy" helping to kill it. Not only should this book never have been written, it should never have been read aloud. It is the little known companion book to The Necronomicon and was translated by the Maestro himself. That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may lie. - The Necronomicon That is not dead which can eternal buy, and with strange aeons even death may buy. - The Necronomeconomicon When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious Another one that will keep me laughing, lol.
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious Most of these are a lot better than what I came up with!
You planted quite a seed with this thread. It really cracks me up and inspires me, lol. The Necroneocon - Various Authors A Compilation of Amusing Tidbits, Tasty Recipes, Blind Optimism, and Patriotic Short Stories. A selected passage from the book: The economy is strong. Might be best not to read aloud between the lines.
When prosperity comes, do not use all of it. - Confucious I especially like the Necroeconomocron. Then there are the stories, "The Greenspan Out of Space," and "The Greenspans in the Walls."
LOL.. well now he may change the name to: "How to Meet the Man of Your Dreams While Incarcerated"
"I've coined new words, like, "misunderstanding" and "Hispanically"." - GW Bush
"The yellow river", by I.P. Daily
And the battle’s just begun - There’s many lost, but tell me who has won - The trench is dug within our hearts - And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart
How Many Americans Were Killed in What War?, by Paul Wolfowitz.
#7. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#8. To: tom007 (#7)
Donald Rumsfeld
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#9. To: markm0722, tom007 (#8)
#10. To: YertleTurtle, tom007, robin (#0)
#11. To: Diana (#10)
The Demonization of White Christian Americans Must Stop!"
#12. To: Diana (#10)
#13. To: tom007 (#7)
There are thing we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns." Donald Rumsfeld, February 12, 2002 Press Conference at NATO Headquarters, Brussels, Belgium
#14. To: robin (#12)
#15. To: Diana (#13)
There are thing we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. So when we do the best we can and we pull all this information together, and we then say well that's basically what we see as the situation, that is really only the known knowns and the known unknowns. And each year, we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns." Donald Rumsfeld, February 12, 2002 Press Conference at NATO Headquarters, Brussels, Belgium
You will see that "un" was picked 16 times.
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#16. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
Author: Bob Wallace
#17. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#18. To: All (#17)
#19. To: markm0722 (#15)
It whispers "know" and "un" randomly into his ear. He just repeats. Allow me to demonstrate with a translation.
#20. To: YertleTurtle, christine (#0)
#21. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#22. To: YertleTurtle, tom007, Diana, robin (#0)
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#23. To: Dude Lebowski (#18)
"how to not get hooked on cocaine" by Lazamataz
Yez, Baaz!
#24. To: PnbC (#16)
#25. To: Dude Lebowski, Jethro Tull (#17)
#26. To: markm0722 (#15)
GW's earpiece is much more complicated, mainly because it keeps falling out. That explains why some of his words can't be found in the dictionary. Sometimes he has to wing it.
#27. To: Grumble Jones, Dude Lebowski (#21)
"100 Ways to Lick Your Comb"....Paul Wolfowitz
#28. To: markm0722 (#22)
The Hitchhiker's Guide to Finding a Job - by John Snow
Bird Herd is perfect. A book about racial tolerance turned into Dick's first successful genocide.
#29. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#30. To: Dude Lebowski (#18)
#31. To: Jhoffa_ (#29)
#32. To: Jhoffa_ (#29)
The Epilady and your Upper Lip, By Maddy Albright
#33. To: lodwick, Dakmar, Jethro Tull, Eoghan, Itisa1mosttoolate, h-a-l-f-w-i-t-t, 1776, wbales, All - must see fun thread (#29)
#34. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#35. To: YertleTurtle (#32)
Ugly Enough to be a Dyke, by Betty Friedan.
#36. To: All (#35)
#37. To: all (#36)
#38. To: robin (#33)
#39. To: robin, Arete (#28)
I never would have thought of necro (instead of say macro) economics. The economy is almost as dead as the one helping to kill it! That's a phrase that could catch on.
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#40. To: Jhoffa_ (#35)
Patriotic Origami, The Art of Flag Wrapping. Sean Hannity
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#41. To: markm0722 (#40)
#42. To: YertleTurtle (#41)
Most of these are a lot better than what I came up with!
That is not dead which can eternal die,
We're making the world a better place.
and with strange aeons even death may die.
Mission Accomplished!
The nation is prosperous on the whole, but how much prosperity is there in a hole? - Will Rogers
#43. To: markm0722 (#42)
#44. To: Grumble Jones (#37)
"Turd Blossom Making Methods"...Karl Rove.
#45. To: all (#44)
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest