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Neocon Nuttery
See other Neocon Nuttery Articles

Title: Fox News Morans Think Lincoln Debated Emancipated Slave
Source: Wonkette
URL Source: http://wonkette.com/385648/fox-news ... coln-debated-emancipated-slave
Published: May 2, 2008
Author: Wonkette
Post Date: 2008-05-02 21:52:45 by robin
Ping List: *Humor-Weird News*     Subscribe to *Humor-Weird News*
Keywords: None
Views: 401
Comments: 10

civics for poets

Fox News Morans Think Lincoln Debated Emancipated Slave



So a couple days ago on Fox and Friends they were talking about Hillary Clinton challenging Barack Obama to a "Lincoln-Douglas debate." They referred, of course, to the grueling series of seven three-hour debates held in 1858 between Illinois senatorial candidates Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas, who was a shrimpy pro-slavery jackass. But those silly graphical artists at Fox thought the Douglas in question was Frederick Douglass, the former slave and abolitionist who basically agreed with Lincoln even if Lincoln had to hedge a bit to get elected! The point is, Hillary Clinton wants 21 more hours of debates which is why she must be stopped.

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 7.

#7. To: robin (#0)

http://wonkette.com/385648/fox-news ... coln-debated-emancipated-slave

Some of the comments from the readers at the site;

Maybe Fox needs to start spelling news "noos", like the items at the store that aren't really what they say, but kind of are: krab, cheez...

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You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to climb under my desk with a bottle of whiskey, cry, and try to convince myself that you made this up.

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Fox only claims to be "fair and balanced," not "accurate and historically correct."

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That's ridiculous. Everyone knows Frederick Douglass was the first black to play in the major leagues.

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fox news' theme song should be played by a jug band.

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Well, at least it wasn't Michael Douglas.

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i dont know which is worse: hearing hillary lie and yap for 20 hours, or having Fox News confused Fredrick Douglass with Stephen A. Douglas...jesus fucking christ this country is going straight to shit

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The graphics guy at Fox attended Yale as a legacy student.

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A news outlet doesn't need to spend money on research or accuracy when it has pretty blondes in short, tight skirts.

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Ironically, Frederick Douglass looks like Hillary and Abe Lincoln looks like an uglier Barry.

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You in the reality-based universe just don't get it. Fox News said Lincoln was pro-slavery and debated a former slave and insurgent. They have made their own reality and we must abide by it.

Just as we have done ever since that night eight years ago when the radio station I listened to reversed their projection that Gore won Florida because...Fox News said Bush won.

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This reminds me of Edward R. Murrow once said.

"It's probably not a good idea to get totally baked and then try to run a 24 hour news channel"

Or maybe it was my roomate who said that. I don't know. I was probably baked at the time.

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yeah, but this involved multiple brain farts on the part of multiple Fox employees. And I don't think it counts as a brain fart if the person is just too dumb to live. Then it is normal brain activity.

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Did Frederick Douglass ask for some muthafuckin' iced tea during the debate?

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Thanks for the history lesson. I, for one, thought Frederick Douglass was Chuck Berry's drummer.

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Can we get a photoshop of Obama's head on Miley Cyrus' magazine photo ? Serolf Divad ?

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Being as Obama is tall, eloquent and less "experienced", this would cast Hilz in the Douglas role, no? Which would give her a chance to do the entire debate in black face with that neat slave woman dialect she tried last year. You know she'd do it. This would be a debate worth watching.

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If Hillary Clinton grew a beard, people would like her more.

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Those Right Wingers are always trying to re-write history.

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OK, as an archivist, I have to say this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Even better than the BBC confusing Jackie Wilson with Jockey Wilson!

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It's all because of inadequate public schooling, of course. If the people who worked for Fox had been given vouchers and allowed to attend the private/religious school of their choice, they would have learned about Stephen Douglas.

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OK, I spelled it wrong - it's Jocky Wilson, fat white dart player, easily confused with Jackie Wilson, when Dexys Midnight Runners appeared on Top of the Pops in the early 1980s - Wikipedia says it was intentional, but this is the BBC we're talking about: [www.tvradiobits.co.uk]

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Oy vey. Is there *anyone* around FOX with a triple-digit IQ and a secondary education?

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Fox News has branded newcomer Frederick Douglass as the perfect presidential candidate.

Sean Hannity: So, Mr. Douglass, you feel like the blacks should not continue to let the Democratic Party to take you for granted?

Frederick Douglass: I am a Republican, a black, dyed in the wool Republican, and I never intend to belong to any other party than the party of freedom and progress.

Alan Colmes: Mr. Douglass, the Republican party hasn't been the party of freedom and progress since...

Sean Hannity: C'mon Alan. Let Mr. Douglass speak. Now, Mr. Douglass, how will you be able to secure this nation against terrorism?

Frederick Douglass: The life of the nation is secure only while the nation is honest, truthful, and virtuous.

Sean Hannity: So what, exactly are you suggesting?

Frederick Douglass: The thing worse than rebellion is the thing that causes rebellion.

Sean Hannity: Are you suggesting that America is somehow responsible for 9/11? I was with you at first, but...

Alan Colmes: C'mon Sean. Let the man speak. So, Mr. Douglass, you are supposedly a candidate who transcends race. What is your view of black/white relations?

Frederick Douglass: The white man's happiness cannot be purchased by the black man's misery.

Sean Hannity: You are a racist, Sir! You are a raving, anti- American racist...

Alan Colmes: Hold on Sean. Mr. Douglass, why don't you wear a flag pin?

Frederick Douglass: What to the Slave is the 4th of July?

Sean Hannity: That's it Frederick "Kunta" Douglass. I've had enough of your anti- American diatribe!

Alan Colmes: Mr. Douglass, you attend a black church. What is its mission statement?

Frederick Douglass: Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.

Sean Hannity: Oh, so now there's a conspiracy, huh? You, sir, are a BIGOT!!! A whitey hating bigot and a communist. That's Marxist language, Mr. Douglass!

Alan Colmes: Next. Abraham Lincoln, the moderate Republican candidate from Illinois.

Sean Hannity: He's a commie, too. But he's not as scary.

Alan Co

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So, what happened? Did Frederick Douglass win the debates and yet Lincoln still became President? Did Frederick Douglass somehow win the slave states to his noble cause? Who can tell us if not Fux Nooz???

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It's like LOLnews but with less cats and more wtf.

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I am shocked that Fox and Friends, pinnacle of accuracy that it is, should make such an error.

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McCain wanted to see the debates, but the nursing home staff wouldn't let him go out on his own.

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No, that IS Stephen Douglas, but the Fox Noos graphic artists just out of force of habit darkened up the image of whoever debates the Repubican.

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Three sure-fire ways to lower your IQ by 20 points.

1. Strike yourself three times in the forehead, hard, with a 4-pound deadblow hammer.

2. Drink a quart of formaldehyde.

3. Watch an entire episode of Fox & Friends, with the commercials.

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Wait, you mean Lincoln didn't debate Buster Douglas?

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...so stupid it has to be true

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Is it a coincidence that "Fox and Friends" sounds like a Nickelodeon show?

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Clearly, everyone here misunderstands their history. We're talking about the FABLED Lincoln-Douglas debates. FOX news was simply using artistic license in recreating an image for us. Some scholars maintain there once existed a book, but that was lost centuries ago. All we have now are Murdoch and Cindy McCain sitting around a crystal ball snorting speedballs trying to figure this all out for us. Thank God!

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You are giving this site too much credit. It isn't as smart as it thinks it is.

It watches FOX News, for God's sake...

What is up with that?

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AND MY FAVORITE IS (DRUM ROLL PLEASE):

If Hillary Clinton grew a beard, people would like her more.

richard9151  posted on  2008-05-03   0:41:53 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


Replies to Comment # 7.

#8. To: richard9151 (#7)

Well, at least it wasn't Michael Douglas.

I liked that one.

robin  posted on  2008-05-03 00:44:07 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


End Trace Mode for Comment # 7.

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