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4play See other 4play Articles Title: actual quotes from trial transcripts QUESTION: Now, Mrs. Marsh, your complaint alleges that you have had problems with concentration since the accident. does that condition continue today? ANSWER: No, not really. I take a stool softener now. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: And what did you see when [the accused] pulled down his pants? ANSWER: It looked like a penis, only smaller. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: What did you do to prevent the accident? ANSWER: I just closed my eyes and screamed as loud as I could. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Where were you? ANSWER: I was in the front right passenger seat. QUESTION: What state were you in? ANSWER: I was slightly inebriated. I was in good spirits--- QUESTION: Were you in Illinois? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ANSWER: I have absolutely, positively no regard for the medical profession, and you may center that, underline it, and dot and dash it. I despise them; I loathe them; I detest them; I find them the scum of the earth. Other than that, I have no problem with them. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: What happened then? ANSWER: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me." QUESTION: Did he kill you? ANSWER: No. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Are you married, sir? ANSWER: Yes. QUESTION: And to whom are you married? ANSWER: My wife. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Please put an X where you fell. ANSWER: On my behind? QUESTION: No, I meant on the exhibit. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ANSWER: I told my attorney I would take a polyester test to show I wasn't lying, but no one ever gave me one. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Do you know whether or not your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? ANSWER: No, I don't know if she pratices. QUESTION: Do you know if she buys any publications on voodoo? ANSWER: We both do. QUESTION: Voodoo? ANSWER: We do. QUESTION: You do? ANSWER: Yes, voodoo. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Did you blow your horn or anything? ANSWER: After the accident? QUESTION: Before the accident? ANSWER: Sure, I played for ten years. I went to school for it and everything. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Were you conceived prior to your father leaving, or were you conceived after your father left? MR: HARTER: I don't know if that works. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Can you describe that individual? ANSWER: He was about mediun height and had a beard. QUESTION: Was this a male or a female? ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Have you ever tried to commit suicide? ANSWER: Yes, sir. QUESTION: Were you ever successful? ANSWER: No, sir. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ QUESTION: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? ANSWER: All my auropsies have been on dead people. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ THE COURT: What's the problem? THE BALIFF: Oh, a cockraoch was on the exhibit table, Your Honor. PLAINTIFF'S COUNSEL: Motion to quash. THE COURT: Granted. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Three friends -- a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer -- are fishing in a boat out in the ocean. From out of nowhere a huge gust of wind slams into them, capsizes the boat and hurls them overboard. Gasping for breath, spitting seawater, they desperately hang onto the boat's hull. Things get worse: a school of ferocious sharks swims toward the capsized boat and immediately starts circling, closing in for the kill. Terrified, the priest closes his eyes, raises his face to heaven, and begins praying. The doctor is imagining who will die first. Then, without a word, the lawyer pushes off from the capsized boat and swims for shore. The sharks immediately open their circle and let him pass. The priest opens his eyes, sees what has just happened, and with the joy of the truly devout, exclaims, "It's a miracle! A miracle! "Miracle, hell," responds the doctor. "That, my friend, is professional courtesy."
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#1. To: richard9151 (#0)
LOL Shared with wife.
Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. T. S. Eliot
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