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Title: Top Ten Country & Western Songs
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Published: Aug 14, 2008
Author: na
Post Date: 2008-08-14 23:49:26 by christine
Keywords: None
Views: 8814
Comments: 14
10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine 9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few 8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me 7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin' 6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win 5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here 4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him 3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger 2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer And the Number One Country & Western song is... 1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day Long
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#1. To: christine (#0)
OH MY Gosh!
"Satan / Cheney in "08" Priceless!
Q. What happens when you play a Country and Western tune backwards? A. You find out that your dog really isn't dead, your girl comes back, and your Pick-up starts.
"The difference between an honorable man and a moral man is that an honorable man regrets a discreditable act even when it has worked and he is in no danger of being caught." ~ H. L. Mencken
Ever hear the duet with Hank Williams and JR? They found one of his old recordings that had never been release so Hank Jr. put it out as a duet between him and his father.
Cool. Kind of like Nat King Cole and his Daughter.
"The difference between an honorable man and a moral man is that an honorable man regrets a discreditable act even when it has worked and he is in no danger of being caught." ~ H. L. Mencken
"Every effort has been made by the Federal Reserve Board to conceal its power but the truth is the Federal Reserve Board has usurped the Government of the United States." "Mr. Chairman, the people of the United States did not perceive that a world system was being set up here that the United States was to be lowered to the position of a coolie country. . and was to supply financial power to an international superstate -- a superstate controlled by international bankers and international industrialists acting together to enslave the World for their own pleasure."
"Every effort has been made by the Federal Reserve Board to conceal its power but the truth is the Federal Reserve Board has usurped the Government of the United States." "Mr. Chairman, the people of the United States did not perceive that a world system was being set up here that the United States was to be lowered to the position of a coolie country. . and was to supply financial power to an international superstate -- a superstate controlled by international bankers and international industrialists acting together to enslave the World for their own pleasure."
"Every effort has been made by the Federal Reserve Board to conceal its power but the truth is the Federal Reserve Board has usurped the Government of the United States." "Mr. Chairman, the people of the United States did not perceive that a world system was being set up here that the United States was to be lowered to the position of a coolie country. . and was to supply financial power to an international superstate -- a superstate controlled by international bankers and international industrialists acting together to enslave the World for their own pleasure."
"Every effort has been made by the Federal Reserve Board to conceal its power but the truth is the Federal Reserve Board has usurped the Government of the United States." "Mr. Chairman, the people of the United States did not perceive that a world system was being set up here that the United States was to be lowered to the position of a coolie country. . and was to supply financial power to an international superstate -- a superstate controlled by international bankers and international industrialists acting together to enslave the World for their own pleasure."
Truck Drivin' Song -- Weird Al (sung like Dave Dudley) I'm drivin' a truck My diesel rig is northward bound Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror Because I'm drivin' a truck Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me But still I'm drivin' a truck I'm drivin' a truck Barry Obama -- In your heart, you know he's wrong.
*One More Minute* by "Weird" Al Yankovic (sung like Elvis) Well I heard that you're leaving So I pulled That's right I know I may seem kinda bitter Oh so honey, I'd rather rip out my intestines with a fork Oh can't you what I'm trying to say, darlin' Or shove an ice-pick under a toe nail or two I'd rather jump naked on huge pile of thumbtacks I'd rather rip my heart Than spend one more minute with you.....
Barry Obama -- In your heart, you know he's wrong.
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33? How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life? I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me? I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2 Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Yew I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up) I Meant Every Word That He Said I Wanna Whip Your Cow I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life I'm Not Married But The Wife Is I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There) If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too? Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head) My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill She Feels Like A New Man Tonight Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes? You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life You're Ruining My Bad Reputation You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly ****************************************************************************** LOL! I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's Kick Toby Keith in the Balls 
#2. To: christine, *Humor-Weird News* (#0)
"You have delusions of adequacy."
#3. To: farmfriend (#2)
#4. To: Original_Intent (#3)
"You have delusions of adequacy."
#5. To: farmfriend (#4)
#6. To: farmfriend (#4)
#7. To: christine (#0)
#8. To: All (#7)
#9. To: All (#8)
#10. To: All (#9)
(Edited)
OOPS !!! This one's for JT !!!
#11. To: christine (#0)
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on
It's time to put that hammer down
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel
While I'm still waiting for my nails to dry
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight
Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck
Got these eighteen wheels a-rollin until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much
But when I hit those big speed bumps
My darling little rhinestone pumps
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make buck
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon
While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on
Drivin' a truck
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck
And I'm late for my appointment down at the hair salon
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on
#12. To: christine (#0)
Gonna leave far behind
'Cause you found a brand new lover
You decided that I'm not your type
Your name out of my Rolladex
And I tore all your pictures in two
And I burned down the malt shop
Where we used to go
Just because it reminds me of you.....
You ain't gonna see me crying
I'm glad that you found somebody new
'Cause I'd rather spend eternity
Eating shards of broken glass
Than spend one more minute with you.
You got me feeling down in the dumps
'Cause I'm stranded all alone
In the gas station of love
And I have to use the self-service pump...
Let me help you with that suitcase
You ain't gonna break my heart in two
'Cause I'd rather have a hundred-thousand
Paper cuts on my face,
Than spend one more minute with you..
Than watch you going out with other men
I'd rather slam my fingers in a door,
Again, and again, and again, and again, and again
I'd rather clean all the bathrooms
In Grand Central Station, with my tongue..
Than spend one more minute with you
Or stick my nostrils together with Krazy-Glue
I'd dive in a swimming pool filled with
Double-edged razor blades
Than spend one more minute with you
Right out of my ribcage
With my bare hands
And throw it on the floor and
Stomp on it till
I die....
#13. To: christine (#0)
(Edited)
And who can forget THESE gems!!!!
#14. To: christine (#0)
--
"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Robert F. Kennedy
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