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Title: Who says men need to get married to be happy?
Source:
London Times
URL Source: http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/ ... lationships/article4922052.ece
Published: Oct 19, 2008
Author: LT
Post Date: 2008-10-19 10:03:31 by robnoel
Keywords: None
Views: 3078
Comments: 124
There comes a point in every man’s life when he must check out of Guyland, wrote Martin Deeson two weeks ago in these pages. This, for those of you who missed it, is the place in a man’s life when he lives singly and without responsibility. A place where he is no longer a boy but not yet a man; where he trips over beer cans in the morning on his way out the door, and asks for the woman he wakes up with to jot down her e-mail rather than her phone number to save him the embarrassment of having to ask her name. It’s also known as bachelorhood and, according to Deeson, the age at which he should make his way to the departure gate is 35. This is when a man should start thinking about finding a good woman and settling down. Shortly afterwards, he should also consider trading in the sports car for a Volvo, donate the Xbox to a children’s charity and decommission the DVD collection. The reward for doing so is a life of simple bliss, where he lives longer and happier, snuggled up in the warm embrace of a loving relationship. Well, not so fast, Deeson. Not everyone feels this way. George Clooney seems to be pretty happy in Guyland. Bruce Parry, the TV adventurer, is 39, and when he’s not rampaging through the Amazon, he hangs out in a beach hut in Ibiza, partying like a dervish. In fact, Clooney shows no sign of wanting to change: when Nicole Kidman bet him $10,000 that he would be married by 40, he mailed the cheque back after his birthday, with a note saying, “Double or nothing for another 10 years”. He’s 47 now. Readers agree. “Stay single and see her at the weekends. Man is not meant to be caged,” wrote Lucas from London. “It’s a great lifestyle choice,” wrote Rob D, also from London. “As for married men living longer, well, the indoor cat lives longer too. But it’s a fur ball with a broken spirit looking out on a world that it will never enjoy.” And I agree, though it is becoming increasingly apparent that many people close to me don’t. Now in my mid-thirties, I am used to my mother asking where various ex-girlfriends were, but then, last weekend, she sat me down and told me that finding a “life partner” was like looking for a job: you had to be determined and focused, she said, before finishing with “and stop faffing”. I’ve lost count of the number of times a friend’s girlfriend has taken me aside and asked me when I am going to “come in from the cold”. Usually I yawn and say, “When I meet the right person”, but even I don’t believe it any more. Truth is, I probably have met the right person, probably more than one. But I’ve been in a couple of long-termers and I’ve seen what marriage can do to my friends, and I’ve decided I am happy in Guyland and I want to hang out here longer. This should be a bit of a worry. Under Deeson’s rubric, if I continue walking single file, I will — in a few years — be suicidally unhappy and statistically more likely to be heading for an early grave. I will drink more, smoke more and slowly go to seed. Women will stop regarding me as an “eligible bachelor” and begin seeing me as, well, a sad spinster. Problem is, I just don’t buy it. For a start, bachelors are different now. Traditionally they can be one of two things: a toxic bachelor who spends his evenings with a bucket of KFC and a can of lager, or a career bachelor who is too busy to socialise because he is working until 3am. Over the past five years, however, a third type has emerged. Dubbed “city adventurers” (which, I grant you, sounds a bit naff — Bear Grylls in pinstripes?), these are single men aged 25-39 with an average wage of more than £40,000. They spend their spare time eating out, going to the pub and the cinema and taking weekend breaks. They will probably ski or snowboard and, when asked, they will say they are knowledgeable about wine (though they probably aren’t). In short, they lead interesting and fulfilling lives. “We have the time to pursue things that we really want to,” says Duncan, a 33-year-old art director who has found a new lease of life since breaking up with his girlfriend. “My friends who are settled have almost every minute of every day accounted for. Because all of my time is not taken up by a relationship, I can write that script, play some squash, chase dreams and enjoy the finer things in life.” Too many feeble men give in to the supposed security of marriage. They see it as panacea to their problems (including, but by no means limited to, alienation, indecision, and lack of direction and motivation). “I don’t want to be the oldest father at the school gates,” lamented one friend recently, explaining why he was getting engaged to his girlfriend, who we all know will make his life a misery. Marriage like this is for wimps. “I genuinely pity most of my married friends, who feel trapped, bored and frustrated,” wrote Mike from Hong Kong. “The only men I know who are happily married are the laid-back guys who need a woman for direction. Marriage is not a smart idea for the alpha male.” My old flatmate, Zar, a 32-year-old lawyer, agrees: “The best thing for me is realising that I have not been panicked into thinking I have met the right person and then discovered that I have married the wrong person, with whom I have a child and am in debt and losing my hair about what school I am going to send them to.” Being single, solvent and in charge of your own life is fun. And then there’s the sex. “When I first found myself a bachelor at 33, I hadn’t realised how much women in their mid-twenties enjoyed the company of a man of that age,” said James, 35. “More cash, more charm and more of the benefit of the trial and error of what women like.” The fact that you probably have a flyer place that isn’t full of deadbeats playing Nintendo only adds to the appeal. Incidentally, dating younger girls draws a curiously bitter response from single women my own age. I remind them that there is nice symmetry in this: every schoolboy remembers the moment at 15 when all the best-looking girls in his year decided they didn’t fancy their spotty-faced contemporaries and began dating the sixth-former with a Vauxhall Astra. It’s not revenge, exactly, but they started it. There are downsides, naturally: having to go out with your married mates on a “pink ticket” when all they want to do is hit pathetic strip clubs because they are so severely rationed by their Mrs; listening to similarly aged single female friends bang on about being left on the shelf; fear of shotgun weddings. And then there’s the part about dying early. It’s true: bachelors die younger than their married counterparts. When I dug deeper, though, I discovered this has a lot to do with smoking, drinking and diet. And if you can keep these things under control, you can hang out in Guyland, well, indefinitely.
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#7. To: lodwick (#6)
This won't win me many points with some here but women are like new cars for the first year you admire it and worship it by keeping it spotless a year later you start noticing the newer models and your spotless ride has now turned from a thing of pride to a pain in the butt to keep clean ....sorry to those offended
That reminds me of a friend (who's on his sixth marriage) and his 'six-pound-a-year' rule. After marriage, the wife gains about six pounds every year, and after ten years, you wake up with a 180 pounder... Marriage, like aging, is not for sissies.
Another sign of the times ... coming apart instead of together. Anything beyond fun fun fun is just too repressive (slam, bam, thank you ma'am.) IMO, the major handicap to marriage is the marriage LICENSE, which allows the government to become the alpha in any LEGAL relationship.
I went down to witness the sight of long lines of people getting marriage licenses in Portland, Oregon. What I saw was the release from the bondage of hatred and intolerance by people finally allowed to to freely form a contractual bond keystone in protecting one's social and economic rights. I support marriage for any two people who want this bond. Gender should not be a litmus test in marriage. There was one man with his dog who waded through the long lines intending to marry it. He was a Christian Fundie. And I only saw this particular guy in news stories, but I am to understand he was severely disappointed nobody else in line took his bait, and left him alone to stew in the juices of his own hatred.
Agree. All the licenses are about revenue and control.
Yep. But they can always print more money, so its probably more about control.
I just did a goodsearch.com for 'state of texas licenses' which returned over three million different sites. Besides the revenue and control, it also creates a gazillion gov-dependent drones.
Corporate government dependent drones. What would we be without contract law to guide and comfort us?
Free. What a concept.
Got it in one. :)
I've been living in guyland for about ten years since divorce. I doubt I'll ever go back to slavery. I'd take that $10,000 bet any time.
I shall not vote for evil, lesser or otherwise. Blimey that's a great article.
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition "Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." © IndieTx Pathetic.
...Both methods yielded similar results, which support the previous findings; that is, of all modern human samples, sub-Saharan Africans again exhibit the closest phenetic similarity to various African Plio-Pleistocene hominins... Pussywhipped Being Pussywhipped There is nothing sadder than seeing a man who is pussy whipped. You just know that the most frequently used words in his vocabulary are "whatever you want", "duh, okay" or "yes dear". Guys don't even realize it's happening until it's too late. How can you tell? If your buddies make fun of you for being whipped, guess what pumpkin, you are! It would be easy to blame women for whipping guys but they have nothing to do with it. Guys do it to themselves. They are so eager to please a woman that they are willing to submit to a woman for a little attention. Of course women will be all over this, they'll get what they want all the time. Unfortunately, one of the things they won't want, is to hump you. That's because you are killing the attraction because you are becoming submissive and there is nothing attractive about a submissive man. Anonymous Anonymous said... You know a pussywhipped man when he volunteers to do extremly feminine things like visiting Vegas for Barbara Streisand or Celine Dion concerts with the GF instead of partying, talking about their feelings/inner child, or calling their sweetie in the middle of a Monday Night football game while hanging with the guys just to say "I love You". I'm embarassed to admit that I was p-whipped in the past. Fortunately, my head was never so far up my butt to do the things mentioned above. 1:51 AM Anonymous Anonymous said... You tell'em Bro. I have friends that are pussy-whipped and they're not even in a relationship with a woman!!! They think they'll attract a woman by "being what women want" and talking about their feelings, being feminine, etc. So pathetic. I never buy my wife gifts, and she worships the ground I walk on. one of my friends got divorced because after 4 years, his wife said "I don't want to be married anymore" and Mr. P.W. said "okay, sweetie" just like he'd been trained to do. Everything she wanted in the divorce settlement, he said "yes, dear". Thank god they had no kids, but probably because he never banged her because she was never attracted to him. 2:58 PM Anonymous Anonymous said... I just found this website which has THE product for your pussywhipped friends. Check it out at:
It'd be easy to change the laws to make sure marriages were strong from the start: if divorced, the woman gets nothing financially, and the man always gets the kids.
Freepers: hearts full of hate and cowardice, and skulls full, to quote a favorite saying of one of their favorite cowards, of mush.
Looks like he wanted to get into religious dogma.
"Satan / Cheney in "08" To be one of the boys, is, well, to be one of the boys. All Mr. Darwin cares about is if you have kids. Now, you can do that without marriage, if you want to behave like a nigger. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
...Both methods yielded similar results, which support the previous findings; that is, of all modern human samples, sub-Saharan Africans again exhibit the closest phenetic similarity to various African Plio-Pleistocene hominins... There are so many good things in this article, I can't pick out just one. I can say, from my own experience, that I would be a much more sucessful (working at something I love) and fulfilled man than I am today had I never married. I know this for a fact. Divorced 7 years ago by a woman who needed to "find herself," my life and my finances were destroyed. All she ever did was hold me back from chasing my very attainable dreams. The one blessing I have is my children. That made me look outside myself and it is a blessing that can not be underestimated. Yet, my children will not be young forever and will move away. And I will remain, a man, who will be lonely again, and with dreams that were never realized because of the limitations that woman and the her demands placed upon me. All in all, I would recommend to my children to heed the words of the Apostle Paul. 1COR 7 multiple verses If they can enjoy their lives and find some things that they love to do for life's pursuits..work at what they love and be fulfilled in it..serve the Lord..and be able to enjoy the wonders and pleasures of life without the time and domicile location restraints of marriage, then I advise them never to give up their Liberty, freedom of movement, their lives and their "success" (their dreams fulfilled) or financial future to a woman and the courts that despise men. Ever. However, the final choice will be theirs. I pray to God that whatever they choose, that they choose wisely.
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition SILENT RUNNING Sorry forgot to ping you for comment
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition SILENT RUNNING Amen to that.
Westernized women just aren't worth it. Period. Anyone that wants to marry one needs to have their head examined. Maybe 1 or 2 in a hundred is good. The rest are trash. And the "men" aren't much better either. In some circles they are called "manginas" and "captain save-a-hoes", and there is no shortage of them. THe lengths they will debase themselves to just to get some diseased skank to pay attention to them boggles the mind. (anywhere from 1/5 to 1/2 of women have herpes depending on demographics. Roll those dice, losers.) Feminists set out to destroy the family and they succeeded.
Click for Privacy and Preparedness files Nehemiah 4:14 And I looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.”
Every time I think I want to get married I just examine the drama my married- with-children-brother lives in ;-) I ask him to go hunting every winter and he never can find the time. At least that's what his wife tells him to say :-O
An Irish Bank Robber An armed and hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy in the head without hesitation! He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him in the head also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor. Did anyone else see my face?' calls the robber. There is a few moments silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says: 'I think me wife may have caught a glimpse ....'
I should know better, but what the hell...
OK, you started it: HOW TWO MONTHS' SALARY LASTS A LIFETIME IN REALLY EVIL SHIT: I had a single buddy of mine tell me that as long as he had internet porn and a hand he didn't need a woman.
"The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media." ~ William Colby, Director, CIA 1973–1976
Maybe I'm lost. I thought 4um was once a political discussion board.
I didn't post the article. I just made a comment. A comment that directly related to the article.
"The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media." ~ William Colby, Director, CIA 1973–1976
You don't need to give me excuses. I'm not the moderator. I'm a lowly female poster. From my point of view all the posts on this thread have progressively become more misogynistic. And yes, misogyny is in keeping with the intent of the article poster. It's just that I would have expected better from you, Hayek Fan.
Why is it that when people disagree with the liberal lefties that the disagreer 'hates'? Ever think about that, Mike? Is it only the 'middle and the right' that can hate?
It's just that I would have expected better from you, Hayek Fan. Well I can honestly say that it was not my intention to offend anyone, man or woman. When he told me that I thought it was funny. I thought others would too. Maybe it loses something in writing. Anyway, I've been married 17 years and feel no shame in saying that my life would be over if anything ever happened to her. She IS my happiness. I am the luckiest man alive. However, it is a fact that not everyone is as lucky as me. Some men have been shit on by their wives and/or girlfriends and are bitter over it. That's my friends problem. His wife left him and their kids for another man half their age and the courts screwed him royally even though she was the one who screwed around on him and he's the one who kept custody of the kids. He's rightfully bitter and probably is misogynistic at this point in his life.
"The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media." ~ William Colby, Director, CIA 1973–1976
I thought you might be as you describe yourself. Your posts are measured and thoughtful - from a centered person with a good outlook on life. That's why I was surprised you chimed in with such crudeness on robnoel's article thread, that's all. The opposite is also true of women being treated shabbily by men. People's moral values are shaped by pre-school. Bad values are not intrinsic to only one sex. But I'd agree with you that the feminists have certainly done a bang-up job of educating women to be less the fairer sex than they once might have been. Also affirmative action has given women a sense of entitlement.
'cuse me, but y'all are about enough to gag a maggot. For instance, why is it so important, and apparently the goal, to have your marriage be just like a friends--as though there is some pattern? Hello! You and your spouse are unique unto one another. If you have to compare your marriage to someone else's, it is definitely YOU that have the problem--this need to copy cat, to be a clone, to need to emulate someone else is YOUR problem. You are NOT privy to everything, and I mean everything in their lives/marriage, so why think yours is or should be like theirs? Where was your spine when you determined you had goals/ideals/stars to reach? You telling us she flat out ordered you NOT to proceed? I can certainly understand the need for so many men to have a scapegoat..obviously, they aren't man enough to admit that they aren't exactly God's gift to wimmen! I'm getting a kick out of reading this crap--sort of like an inside look at the wimpy men and how they think/whine. Isn't this like those guys that get together and bang drums--male bonding or some such tommyrot? Carry on' y'all-- no need to ping me. I'm getting my laughs for the day. Worse than teenagers in the locker room........sheesh.
I guess it was one of the "you had to be there" conversations. He said it so matter of factly that it was really funny at the time. I guess it doesn't translate well onto paper.
"The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media." ~ William Colby, Director, CIA 1973–1976
I think they're into their 'men's weekend campout mode with drums--they sit around the campfire, banging on drums, and doing the 'male bonding' thing! LOL........
male bonding
"The Central Intelligence Agency owns everyone of any significance in the major media." ~ William Colby, Director, CIA 1973–1976
I hate it when someone hits me with a lame line that that. Everyone can hate, and I don't hold the contention ideology makes one immune to the emotion. So, what are you bothering me with again? I contend and have contended over and over and over again that no one part of the political spectrum has a monopoly on being right, wrong or in between. I contend everyone needs everyone else's wisdom and myopia in a debate or hash out of an issue to get the best answer in how to deal with it.
Guess that is a reason I can't stand football.
And they write innumerable books; being too vain and distracted for silence: seeking every one after his own elevation, and dodging his emptiness. - T. S. Eliot
You live in the right state. Your teams blow.
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#8. To: robnoel (#7)
#9. To: robnoel (#0)
#10. To: tom007 (#5)
"You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything he's no longer in your power -- he's free again. Alexander Solzhenitsyn
#11. To: RidinShotgun (#9)
IMO, the major handicap to marriage is the marriage LICENSE, which allows the government to become the alpha in any LEGAL relationship.
#12. To: lodwick (#11)
All the licenses are about revenue and control.
#13. To: RidinShotgun (#12)
#14. To: lodwick (#13)
#15. To: RidinShotgun (#14)
What would we be without contract law to guide and comfort us?
#16. To: lodwick (#15)
#17. To: robnoel (#0)
Tattoos Cobleskill, NY
#18. To: robnoel (#0)
"There is no 'legitimate' Corporation by virtue of its very legal definition and purpose."
-- IndieTx
#19. To: robnoel (#0)
Ancient teeth and modern human origins: An expanded comparison of African Plio-Pleistocene and recent world dental samples, Journal of Human Evolution Volume 45, Issue 2, August 2003, Pages 113-144
#20. To: Tauzero (#19)
#21. To: robnoel (#0)
#22. To: Ferret Mike (#10)
There was one man with his dog who waded through the long lines intending to marry it. He was a Christian Fundie.
#23. To: robnoel (#20)
Ancient teeth and modern human origins: An expanded comparison of African Plio-Pleistocene and recent world dental samples, Journal of Human Evolution Volume 45, Issue 2, August 2003, Pages 113-144
#24. To: REDPANTHER, ALL, RICKYJ, OLD FRIEND, LODWICK, JETHRO TULL, CHRISTINE, ROWDEE, CYNICOM, OLD FRIEND, ALLTHEKINGS'HORSESWONTDOIT (#0)
(Edited)
“We have the time to pursue things that we really want to,” says Duncan, a 33-year-old art director who has found a new lease of life since breaking up with his girlfriend. “My friends who are settled have almost every minute of every day accounted for. Because all of my time is not taken up by a relationship, I can write that script, play some squash, chase dreams and enjoy the finer things in life.”
But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; [single]
But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk
I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress-- that [it is] good for a man to remain as he is: Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife.
But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord.
But he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please [his] wife.
So then he who gives [her] [fn] in marriage does well, but he who does not give [her] in marriage does better.
"Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." ~~ IndieTx
#25. To: PSUSA, LADY X, FARMFRIEND, X-15 (#24)
"Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." ~~ IndieTx
#26. To: IndieTX (#24)
I can say, from my own experience, that I would be a much more sucessful (working at something I love) and fulfilled man than I am today had I never married.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss — The Who
#27. To: IndieTX (#24)
#28. To: IndieTX (#24)
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
#29. To: IndieTX, all, The Irish Bank Robber (#24)
IndieTX, my marriage of 37 years brings to mind the story of the Irish bank robber:
#30. To: PSUSA (#27)
Remember...G-d saved more animals than people on the ark. www.siameserescue.org
#31. To: who knows what evil (#30)
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
#32. To: robnoel (#0)
#33. To: Hayek Fan (#32)
I had a single buddy of mine tell me that as long as he had internet porn and a hand he didn't need a woman.
#34. To: scrapper2 (#33)
Maybe I'm lost. I thought 4um was once a political discussion board.
#35. To: Hayek Fan, robnoel (#34)
I didn't post the article. I just made a comment. A comment that directly related to the article.
#36. To: Ferret Mike (#10)
#37. To: scrapper2 (#35)
You don't need to give me excuses. I'm not the moderator. I'm a lowly female poster. From my point of view all the posts on this thread have progressively become more misogynistic. And yes, misogyny is in keeping with the intent of the article poster.
#38. To: Hayek Fan (#37)
(Edited)
Well I can honestly say that it was not my intention to offend anyone, man or woman. When he told me that I thought it was funny. I thought others would too. Maybe it loses something in writing. Anyway, I've been married 17 years and feel no shame in saying that my life would be over if anything ever happened to her. She IS my happiness. I am the luckiest man alive...However, it is a fact that not everyone is as lucky as me. Some men have been shit on by their wives and/or girlfriends and are bitter over it.
#39. To: IndieTX (#24)
#40. To: scrapper2 (#38)
(Edited)
That's why I was surprised you chimed in with such crudeness on robnoel's article thread, that's all.
#41. To: scrapper2 (#33)
#42. To: rowdee (#41)
#43. To: rowdee (#36)
"You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything he's no longer in your power -- he's free again. Alexander Solzhenitsyn
#44. To: Hayek Fan (#42)
"You only have power over people so long as you don't take everything away from them. But when you've robbed a man of everything he's no longer in your power -- he's free again. Alexander Solzhenitsyn
#45. To: Ferret Mike (#44)
#46. To: Dakmar (#45)
#47. To: Ferret Mike (#44)
Guess that is a reason I can't stand football.
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