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Title: What Would Jesus Drive?
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Published: Oct 28, 2008
Author: Email
Post Date: 2008-10-28 17:28:31 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 424
Comments: 17
* One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." * But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." * Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." * Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord . . . " * Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." * Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." * And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles carpooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord"!
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#1. To: Turtle (#0)
He'd drive a Jesus Chrysler.
 | Gold and silver are REAL money, paper is but a promise. |
#2. To: Elliott Jackalope (#1)
I order you to beat your forehead against the wall until forgiven.
He'd drive a Jesus Chrysler.
Freepers: hearts full of hate and cowardice, and skulls full, to quote a favorite saying of one of their favorite cowards, of mush.
#3. To: Turtle (#0)
Is there any Biblical reference to a Jaguar? Because that's the classy brand of car I would pick for Jesus to drive.
#4. To: scrapper2 (#3)
Not that I know of. I don't think there are any Jaguars in the Middle East...although I suppose one may have wandered in from wherever they live....wherever that is.
Is there any Biblical reference to a Jaguar?
Freepers: hearts full of hate and cowardice, and skulls full, to quote a favorite saying of one of their favorite cowards, of mush.
#5. To: scrapper2 (#3)
I could more easily picture him in a Lincoln Continental.
Is there any Biblical reference to a Jaguar? Because that's the classy brand of car I would pick for Jesus to drive
#6. To: Rupert_Pupkin (#5)
I think he would drive a VW minibus with flower decals on it.
Freepers: hearts full of hate and cowardice, and skulls full, to quote a favorite saying of one of their favorite cowards, of mush.
#7. To: Turtle (#4) (Edited)
It would have to swim across the ocean from South America. They did have leopards though - another big spotted cat, close enough.
Not that I know of. I don't think there are any Jaguars in the Middle East...although I suppose one may have wandered in from wherever they live....wherever that is.
#8. To: Turtle (#2)
Gee, you used to order me to beat my head against the floor until forgiven. Does this mean I'm moving up on your esteem list? I mean, given the choice of beating my head against the wall versus the floor, sure, I'll pick the wall anytime. Not that I'm actually going to beat my head against anything mind you, but still, it's the thought that counts.
I order you to beat your forehead against the wall until forgiven.
| Gold and silver are REAL money, paper is but a promise. |
#9. To: Turtle (#6) (Edited)
That's probably closer to the truth - the Romans and Jews probably looked at Jesus the same way that the Johnson and Nixon White Houses looked at hippies talking about peace and love. Don't tell that to the Hagee fans or the rapture nutters at Free Republic. THEIR Jesus rides around in a Humvee or an M1 Abrams Tank and talks about nuking Mecca.
I think he would drive a VW minibus with flower decals on it.
#10. To: Elliott Jackalope (#8)
Don't make me mad and force me to use my ACME Illudium Q-36 disintegrator on you.
Gee, you used to order me to beat my head against the floor until forgiven. Does this mean I'm moving up on your esteem list? I mean, given the choice of beating my head against the wall versus the floor, sure, I'll pick the wall anytime. Not that I'm actually going to beat my head against anything mind you, but still, it's the thought that
Freepers: hearts full of hate and cowardice, and skulls full, to quote a favorite saying of one of their favorite cowards, of mush.
#11. To: Turtle (#0)
Jesus would drive a Mercedes-Benz, prompting Abe Foxman to call for a boycott of Christianity due to the Nazi symbolism of "a leader in an M-B"....
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
#12. To: Rupert_Pupkin, turtle (#9)
RP: That's probably closer to the truth - the Romans and Jews probably looked at Jesus the same way that the Johnson and Nixon White Houses looked at hippies talking about peace and love. You're both right but I wanted to give Jesus an upgrade in modern times - in this age of materialism, who'd take seriously the words of a guy driving a VW minibus with flower decals on it? Puhleaze...
turtle: I think he would drive a VW minibus with flower decals on it.
#13. To: Turtle (#0)
Given his humility and his practicality, I would guess him to choose something like a Sprint or a Firefly. Probably a used one.
"It is like a trance. So what can break a trance? The only thing that can break the trance is the light of truth."
~ Canadian Philosopher John McMurtry as he comments on the psychological warfare that has afflicted us all
#14. To: Rupert_Pupkin (#9)
THEIR Jesus rides around in a Humvee or an M1 Abrams Tank and talks about nuking Mecca.
"If you love wealth more than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, depart from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.”—Samuel Adams
#15. To: wudidiz (#13) (Edited)
Jesus traveled with a dozen dudes plus some groupies, etc. His 'treasury' had enough in it to feed, clothe and be a blessing everywhere He went. None of them even missed what Judas was stealing, that's how much. Water into wine : Water in diesel. Big deal! 
"If you love wealth more than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, depart from us in peace. We ask not your counsel nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.”—Samuel Adams
#16. To: Turtle (#0)
I know what His friends will be riding. 
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition "Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." © IndieTx 
"There is no 'legitimate' Corporation by virtue of its very legal definition and purpose."
-- IndieTx
#17. To: Rotara (#15)
lol
"It is like a trance. So what can break a trance? The only thing that can break the trance is the light of truth."
~ Canadian Philosopher John McMurtry as he comments on the psychological warfare that has afflicted us all
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