[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Sign-in]  [Mail]  [Setup]  [Help] 

Status: Not Logged In; Sign In

10 Examples That Show That Our Society Is Going Completely Insane New Russiagate release: Russia held damaging info on Hillary Ofcom threatens American company ‘Rumble’ with censorship Colorectal Cancer Rising Among People Under 50: American Medical Association There'll Always Be An England... But Will It Be Free? HOLY SH*T…😂😂😂 82% of Western Expats in Thailand Lose EVERYTHING – Here’s Why Scientists discovered an Ominous sign that the Supervolcano is building up to an eruption ! Cash Jordan: 13 supermarkets closing in Milwaukee 10 Examples That Show That Our Society Is Going Completely Insane Tsunami Alerts Triggered, Japan Issues Evacuation Warning After 8.7 Earthquake Hits In Russian Waters Elon Musk To Cincinnati Police Chief: Clarify "Missing Context" Or Resign Israel & the US Just Exposed China’s Military SCAM Commie Corruption in China led to floods in Beijing Man Needs Penis Amputated After Botched Botox Procedure Interesting story (EPA) The media is claiming an "Indiana Man" was arrested for child abuse Quercetin and Yogurt with active cultures fight cancer Illiterate Arab Terrorist Published a Front Page Editorial in NY Times "These are the people that were on Epstein Island..."(Pritzker, Gates, Colbert, Oprah)) Inside The World Of Billionaire Islands CNN wants to protect ‘certain narratives’ amid NYC mass shooting White Woman Viciously Assaulted By Mob in Cincinnati Breaks Her Silence Cash Jordan: ICE Blocks Highway... Deports 'Entire Armada' of Migrant Drivers Richard Werner Exposes the Evils of the Fed & the Link Between Banking, War, and the CIA BILL GATES: PUTTING RNA IN ALL YOUR FOOD IS CLIMATE CHANGE! Trump talks the migrant invasion right in front of Starmer: Etiwanda School District in CA FIRED two teachers for reporting cases of child sex abuse. Covid protocol: They executed a young woman with Down's Syndrome Samsung's Texas Fab To Build Tesla's Next-Gen AI Chips In 'Made-in-USA' Push

4play
See other 4play Articles

Title: Jimmy McNulty's Bonnie Scotland
Source: Jimmy McNulty
URL Source: [None]
Published: Oct 30, 2008
Author: Jimmy McNulty
Post Date: 2008-10-30 07:28:01 by Elliott Jackalope
Keywords: Drunken, Lout, Poetry
Views: 31

Here's the deal: Once upon a time there was a web page that featured the poetry of a fictional drunken lout by the name of "Jimmy McNulty". Often was the time when I'd look up the site to have a good laugh at the ribald and twisted musings of this colorful sot. Alas, this site ended up falling victim to neglect and eventually disappeared from the internet. Being the obsessive-compusive malcontent that I am, I endeavored to find this site and after a while managed to find a backup on an archival web page. So, without further adieu, and before the internet chooses to lose these pearls of poetic flights of fancy, I'm sharing them here with you. Lucky you. Be advised: These are ribald, twisted, and may end up causing permanent damage to sensitive souls. You have been warned.

************************************************

Jimmy McNulty's Bonnie Scotland - Poetry Corner.

************************************************

It's a solitary life up here in the Campsie Fells.
Tae while awa the lonely hoors, I drink three boatles o' whisky efter which I invariably hae a visitation frae a muse.
Allow me tae share wi ye (ignorant swines that ye ur) some of what passes fur the best poetry within 100 miles o' Glesca.
************************************************

THE WHINING WRINKLY BASTARDS

When auld men sing a tearfu' sang
o' sweetherts lang syne deid,
I get ma whisky bottle oot
an' smash them oan the heid.
O gie me peace, ya stupit cunts!
Yer weeping's unco rank.
If ancient love torments yer soul,
then go and huv a wank!

©James U. McNulty 1996

************************************************

MY HEARTLESS DARK-EARED BEAUTY

I loved a lass, a bonnie lass
I'll never love nane mair
I'd pull my nit-comb thro her flanks
Then drag the bitch upstairs
I loved a lass, a hairy lass
though legs they number'd four
until she met that bastard ram
the dirty fuckin' whore !

©James U. McNulty 1996

************************************************

ODE TAE WHISKY

The golden liquid calls tae me
Bright spirit o' the glen.
If I'm no pished by ten tae two
I'll have tae drink again.

For ye can stuff yer cannabis,
yer ecstasy and crack.
For whisky, lovely whisky, is
whit gies my brain a smack.

Sure once I met a hippy
oot walking in the fell.
His hair, like mine, was matted
and his troosers stank tae hell.

I bade him tae my lonely cave
to drink frae Jimmy's still.
"No way", cried he. "I never drink!
For drinking does me ill."

"And if I take your home-made hooch,
I fear I'll lose my sight"
"Well you can fuck off home", said I,
"Ya hippy piece o' shite!"

©James U. McNulty 1996

************************************************

Lulu, Lovely Lul

When spring-time comes and city folk
invade these bonnie hills,
I'll buy a forged prescription pad
and get a load o' pills,

I'll share them wi ma favourite sheep
and then I'll strip full bare.
And while I sing old Lulu songs
they'll munch my pubic hair.

©James U. McNulty 1996

************************************************

BIG STEVIE'S GOT THE SHITS AGAIN!

Big Stevie's got the shits again,
Ah cannae use the cludgie!
He's perched upon the rim again -
Half man, half giant-budgie.

Ah warned ye Stevie! Never huv ,
lukewarm tandoori mince.
So finish!, or I'll pish ma breeks
and gie that pan a rinse!

©James U. McNulty 1996

************************************************

YOU OWE ME SEVEN QUID, YA PRICK!

Hey! Where's ma seven quid, ya prick!
Aye YOU! Don't run away!
Ah lent it tae ye doon the pub,
eight years ago last May.

Whit's that ye say? We've never met?
Ya lyin' reprobate!
If ah don't get ma money back
Your balls are oan a plate.

©James Urquhart McNulty - 1996

************************************************

TRANSVESTSHITE

Ye're helluva forward, Malcolm
Yer hands is all over the place
Ye've stroked ma thighs and groped ma chist
Yer fumblin's a disgrace!

And lest we reach that heady stage
Of gland invading gland
Ye'd better know - ah've got a knob
Aye! Ah'm a fuckin' man!

© James Urquhart McNulty - 1996

************************************************

Rumor has it that Mr. McNulty left this mortal coil when he lead a group of "Tartan Army" regulars into a local pub that was at that moment occupied by a large contingent of the Leeds United fans who were at that moment drowning their sorrows in multiple cups of beer after losing a soccer game to Scotland. His last words were reportedly "Aye, yeah, and FOOK YOU all, you pansy-assed Limey ball lickers! I'll personally kick every one of your asses!"

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  

[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Sign-in]  [Mail]  [Setup]  [Help]