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Editorial See other Editorial Articles Title: 9 Things Cocaine Osama Has to do to be My President In the spirit of bipartisanship and in the tradition of the Democratic Party's respect for the office of the President elect Freedomslave presests his: 9 Things Cocaine Osama Has to do to be My President 1) Do a recount and a full investigation to see if this moron really won. Everyone knows there was massive voter fraud with multiple convictions in battleground states but absolutely no verification of how many votes ACORN actually stole for cocaine Osama. So this is the first step, we all would like to know who really won the election. 2) Take a citizenship test and pass it to prove as the commander in chief exactly how many states we actually have. This is not the Islamic Republic and here in the US we only have 50 states, it’s easy to remember and after you do this I personally will stop calling you a moron until you say something else retarded (like the constitution is a bill of negative liberties). Also you can get sworn in again as a US citizen, it was mandatory before you ran for office but I’m sure when you were counting all the illegal campaign contributions on your web site, you were just too busy but this brings me to my third thing. 3) Open up the campaign logs so we can backtrack all the credit cards with phony names and see if any illegal money poured into your coffers. I’m pretty sure that if you were too stupid to know how many states we have then you definitely have a pile of cash to return to foreign entities who want to sway the elections. 4) Give back all the Freddie and Fannie bribe kickback money they paid you as a senator to not oversee the financial disaster you and Barney Frank caused. This is a big deal because you two with Bush ruined a lot of people’s 401k accounts so at least if you give the dirty money back they will know you feel bad about being a corrupt piece of human garbage. 5) Turn the reverb down on your microphone when you give a speech. I know your staff is telling you it makes you sound god like, but out here in real America it just makes you sound stupid (especially when you don’t know how many states we have). 6) Stop lying to everyone about not raising our taxes, we all know you are going to ram it up our back sides hard, and especially when you lie with all the idiotic booming reverb you sound like David Chappell doing his crack head voice. 7) Mandatory drug tests. Yes you are an admitted coke head (who doesn’t know how many states we have) so in order for you to remember exactly how many I need you to stop using the coke until your term is up (or until we find out who really won the election). 8) Give the house that Chicago mobster Fat Tony Resko stole for you to charity. You will have a new house (depending on how many votes ACORN stole for you) on Pennsylvania Ave. so you don’t need the dirty mob house anymore. This will also confuse your cocaine supplier so it will help you pass the drug tests. 9) Make a strong statement against racism. It’s difficult for me to believe that you sat in church with a race baiting poverty pimp like Reverend Wright and listened to him ranting against America and white people for twenty years. (Although if you were all coked up it makes perfect sense.) This will go a long way in alleviate the rest of white America’s fears and getting the real votes next time around so you don’t have to steal any.
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