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Title: Dating Violence Against Men: Assault and Sexual Coercion
Source: [None]
URL Source: http://www.batteredmen.com/dateviol.htm
Published: Dec 1, 2008
Author: multiple
Post Date: 2008-12-01 04:58:39 by IndieTX
Keywords: None
Views: 648
Comments: 22

The National Center for Victims of Crime says that that as many as 45 percent of females and 43 percent of males reported being the victim of violence from dating partners at least once.1

Note: If you have been the victim of dating violence (hitting, kicking, coerced into sex, stalking) please e-mail me and tell me about it. What happened? Did you tell anyone about it? Why or why not? Did you seek help? Why or why not? If you did seek help, did you get it? May we publish your story here? We'll do it anonymously, unless you give specific permission to use your name and/or e-mail address.

Know a young man who may be the victim of dating assault or sexual coercion? Print out this page and give it to him. Often, it'll be enough to get him to talk to you about it -- if not right away, perhaps in a bit. And talking to another man about it is the first step in healing -- in survival.

The Centers for Disease Control "cook" the data and ignore their own study on domestic violence to gender-polarize the issue of dating violence, but many studies show that women initiate dating violence about as often as men.

Date Rape

Date rape? You can't be serious! But we are. "Date Rape" is being coerced into having unwanted sex. There are lots of forms of coercion—physical force, as in traditional "sexual assault" or rape, is only one.

A University of Washington study shows that young men are forced into unwanted sex about as often as young women. Click here for details. Several studies show that about 16-24% of male college students are coerced into unwanted sex. Click here for details.

Dr. Peter Anderson of the University of New Orleans wrote an article a few years back, "Sexual Victimization: It Happens to Boys Too." You can read it here. It's worth the read.

Alan W. McEvoy, Ph.D. Also check out Male Rape: It happens! Not just in prison or among gay men. It's by Dr. Alan W. McEvoy, author of the book If He is Raped

How does a woman force a guy to have unwanted sex? According to expert Cindi Struckman-Johnson, women are most likely to use psychological pressure such as verbal pleading and arguments, emotional blackmail, and deception. Another common approach of sexually aggressive women is to take advantage of a man's intoxicated state. A typical scenario, according to male victims, involves a predatory woman who encounters an inebriated man (or contributes to his drinking) and pursues him until he falls asleep or passes out. The woman then manually or orally stimulates him to erection and mounts him for sexual intercourse.

Sexually aggressive women only occasionally resort to force tactics, which we define as intimidation with size, threats of harm including blackmail, physical restraint, physical harm or use of a weapon. In most cases, the force was not extreme. Women locked men into cars, blocked their retreat from a room, grabbed at them, threw them down on beds and floors, sat on them, and tied them up. In some instances, women pinched, slapped and hit men who tried to stop their advances. A few men reported that women blackmailed them into having sex by threatening to divulge damaging information to parents, employers or girlfriends.[ED: or threaten rape to the police]

A (male) member of the Board of the Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs told me of the son of a friend. When he wasn't aggressive enough, his date grabbed him by the crotch. The boy was too humiliated to want to tell anyone about it. What would be the outcry if a boy grabbed a girl by the crotch at that dance?

Unwanted sex? So he got lucky, right? Wrong! Unwanted is unwanted, for men as well as women. Men, like women, feel cheap and slimy after an event like that. It interferes with their sexual relationship with the woman they meet later and want to be romantically involved with. It objectifies women as well as men— a "hot topic" for feminists. It treats both parties as objects in which to "get off" in recreational sex, rather than people with whom to form a "whole person" romantic relationship.

It's also abusive. Abuse is about "power and control," as proponents of the "Duluth Model" of domestic violence are quick to tell you. Yes, women use sex for "power and control." And a woman who forces a man to have unwanted sex is exerting "power over."

What can you do? Talk about it. Too often, men feel a "double shame," the shame that a woman date-rape victim or battered woman feels, and the "man's shame" of not wanting sex or being beaten up by a woman and being mocked or laughed at for it. Don't wait until she cuts you open with a kitchen knife. If she's unreasonably jealous or controlling, if she's a "control freak," if she slaps you around or throws things, if she starts to destroy things that are personally important to you, don't ignore the signs! It's not going to get any better! Watch out for your own safety!

Assault

Men, as well as women, are subject to dating assault.

One large study shows that 29% of the 1,000 college women polled said they had physically assaulted their male partners. It wasn't in self-defense. Most often, it was because he wasn't sensitive to her needs, she wanted to get his attention or he wasn't listening to her. Click here to find out the details. The Centers for Disease Control "cook" the data and ignore their own study on domestic violence to gender-polarize the issue of dating violence, but many studies show that women initiate dating violence about as often as men.

Everything on this site for battered men applies to boys and men physically assaulted by a date, a girlfriend or a partner, too.

Click for Full Text!


Poster Comment:

IF you have teenage sons, be sure and talk to them about this information. It is time to stop the hypocrisy.

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#1. To: PSUSA (#0)

PING

Law Enforcement Against Prohibition


"Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." ~~ IndieTx

SILENT RUNNING

IndieTX  posted on  2008-12-01   4:59:26 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: IndieTX, Rotara, Turtle, Cynicom, Dakmar, lodwick, Jethro Tull, all (#0)

Men, like women, feel cheap and slimy after an event like that.

Yes, to be thought of as nothing more than a sex object just always made me feel horribly used. Oh the humanity!!!

Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end.
Lord Acton

James Deffenbach  posted on  2008-12-01   5:08:27 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: James Deffenbach (#2)

Yes, to be thought of as nothing more than a sex object just always made me feel horribly used. Oh the humanity!!!

That line was referring to engaging in unwanted sex. Or did you always want it?

Law Enforcement Against Prohibition


"Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." ~~ IndieTx

SILENT RUNNING

IndieTX  posted on  2008-12-01   5:26:43 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: IndieTX, Turtle (#3)

That line was referring to engaging in unwanted sex. Or did you always want it?

It was just a joke. Didn't it sound like something Turtle would say? ;^)

Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end.
Lord Acton

James Deffenbach  posted on  2008-12-01   5:43:58 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: IndieTX (#0)

A (male) member of the Board of the Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs told me of the son of a friend. When he wasn't aggressive enough, his date grabbed him by the crotch. The boy was too humiliated to want to tell anyone about it. What would be the outcry if a boy grabbed a girl by the crotch at that dance?

IMO this is the result of feminized women trying to be as aggressive as they believe men are. The problem is, they dont know when to shut it off, because they aren't men and are "winging it". A man knows when to knock it off, a woman doesn't.

A real woman cannot be masculine any more than a real man can be feminine, even if we all have a few traits that predominately belong to the opposite sex.

I"ve never been physically attacked before. That is probably because they know what would happen to them if they tried. I'd have been out of jail long before they got out of the hospital.

It's all mental and emotional games they play. Their seemingly stupid acts that on their face, make absolutely no sense at all, make sense if you understand they are trying to knock you off balance. <----- Young men take note!

With westernized women, the manipulation is more or less constant. The exceptions prove the rule, and I will not hope I have found an exception. Not in this country. I don't like the odds.

Click for Privacy and Preparedness files

Nehemiah 4:14 And I looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.”

PSUSA  posted on  2008-12-01   7:53:50 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#6. To: James Deffenbach, IndieTX, PSUSA, the raped, all (#2)

This 'article' is truly worthy of the Onion.

Iran Truth Now!

Lod  posted on  2008-12-01   8:04:23 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: lodwick (#6)

Lod...

I volunteered to be violated, for scientific reasons of course, they called me a dirty olde man and to go away.

Cynicom  posted on  2008-12-01   8:15:45 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: Cynicom (#7)

Same here.

In fifteen years of 'dating,' not one time was I compromised against my will, or coerced into unseemly conduct.

Iran Truth Now!

Lod  posted on  2008-12-01   8:23:33 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#9. To: lodwick (#8)

Guess we were just two of the unlucky, unfortunate and UNLOVED.

Story of my life.

Cynicom  posted on  2008-12-01   8:25:58 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#10. To: lodwick (#6)

This 'article' is truly worthy of the Onion.

Maybe it is.

I think it's funny. But not the way you do. It's a double standard you bought into. Feminists will love you for it. Maybe, just maybe, they'll let you have a piece, if you spend enough money on them. LOL!

It's amazing what some men put up with. That's what I find funny.

But, to each his own.

Click for Privacy and Preparedness files

Nehemiah 4:14 And I looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, “Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.”

PSUSA  posted on  2008-12-01   8:41:52 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#11. To: PSUSA (#10)

It's amazing what some men put up with. That's what I find funny.

Hey!!!..

At Lods and my age we do not even get peace, let alone anything else. We are the willing but unwanted.

Cynicom  posted on  2008-12-01   8:51:20 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#12. To: IndieTX (#0) (Edited)

A few men reported that women blackmailed them into having sex by threatening to divulge damaging information to parents, employers or girlfriends.[ED: or threaten rape to the police]

OK, this is scary. I hope this is not common.

BTW, WTH ever happened to L-O-V-E?

God is always good!

RickyJ  posted on  2008-12-01   9:27:15 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#13. To: James Deffenbach (#4)

It was just a joke. Didn't it sound like something Turtle would say? ;^)

LOL come to think of it..yes! :)

Law Enforcement Against Prohibition


"Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." ~~ IndieTx

SILENT RUNNING

IndieTX  posted on  2008-12-01   15:40:45 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#14. To: James Deffenbach (#4)

Didn't it sound like something Turtle would say? ;^)

BABY JESUS WOULDN'T SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

Pugs rule, all other dogs drool.

Turtle  posted on  2008-12-01   17:00:21 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#15. To: IndieTX (#3)

That line was referring to engaging in unwanted sex.

Men generally don't realize they have become victims of unwanted sex until they roll over in the morning.

Remember...G-d saved more animals than people on the ark. www.siameserescue.org

who knows what evil  posted on  2008-12-01   17:38:16 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#16. To: IndieTX (#0)

Women more likely to be perpetrators of abuse as well as victims

Filed under Education, Family, Gender, Law, Research on Thursday, July 13, 2006.

GAINESVILLE, Fla. 52; Women are more likely than men to stalk, attack and psychologically abuse their partners, according to a University of Florida study that finds college women have a new view of the dating scene.

“We’re seeing women in relationships acting differently nowadays than we have in the past,” said Angela Gover, a UF criminologist who led the research. “The nature of criminality has been changing for females, and this change is reflected in intimate relationships as well.”

In a survey of 2,500 students at UF and the University of South Carolina between August and December 2005, more than a quarter (29 percent) reported physically assaulting their dates and 22 percent reported being the victims of attacks during the past year. Thirty-two percent of women reported being the perpetrators of this violence, compared with 24 percent of men. The students took selected liberal arts and sciences courses. Forty percent were men and 60 percent were women, reflecting the gender composition of these classes.

In a separate survey of 1,490 UF students, one quarter (25 percent) said they had been stalked during the past year and 7 percent reported engaging in stalking, of whom a majority (58 percent) were female.

Although women were the predominant abusers, they still made up the largest number of victims in both surveys, accounting for 70 percent of those being stalked, for example.

The reason more college men weren’t victims may be that women in the study did not exclusively date them, preferring men who had already graduated, not yet enrolled in college or chose not to attend college at all, Gover said. “It shows that students who are perpetrating these attacks aren’t just targeting other students on campus,” she said.

It also is possible that some of the physical attacks women claim they are responsible for are actually acts of self-defense, Gover added. “Maybe some of these women have been abused by their partner for some time and they’re finally fighting back,” she said.

Recent studies on domestic violence suggest that whereas in the past victims might have felt trapped in violent situations, today’s women are more likely to understand they have options instead of putting up with mistreatment, she said.

“I think we may also be seeing sort of a new dynamic in dating relationships in terms of women feeling more empowered,” she said. “They recognize they don’t have to be in a dating relationship forever. They can get out of it.”

Child abuse was the single biggest determining factor for men and women becoming perpetrators or victims of either dating violence or stalking, Gover said. Even if one never personally experienced abuse, witnessing violence between one’s parents as a child increased the likelihood of stalking or being stalked as a young adult and it made girls more susceptible to becoming victims of dating violence when they grew up, she said.

The survey found that men and women who were abused as children were 43 percent more likely than their peers who were not mistreated to perpetrate physical violence and 51 percent more likely to be victims of physical violence in a dating relationship. Violent acts included kicking or slapping, pushing or shoving, punching or hitting with a hand or object, slamming someone against a wall and using force to make a partner have sex, she said.

Sexual risk-taking – the age when survey respondents first had sex and the number of sexual partners in their lifetime – was another important risk factor, but surprisingly, attitudes toward women made no difference, said Gover, who did her research with Catherine Kaukinen, a University of South Carolina criminology professor, and Kathleen Fox, a UF graduate student in criminology. Some of the findings were presented at the American Society of Criminology annual meeting in November in Toronto.

The study also was among the first to look at psychological abuse. Examples included preventing partners from seeing family or friends, shouting at them and using threats to have sex. Fifty-four percent of respondents reported being psychologically abusive, and 52 percent said they were victims of this type of behavior. Women were more likely to be psychologically abusive, with 57 percent saying they were perpetrators versus 50 percent of males.

Shelley Serdahely, executive director of Men Stopping Violence, in Decatur, Ga., questions the validity of studies showing women are more violent. “Women might be more likely to get frustrated because men are not taught how to be active listeners and women feel like they are not being heard,” she said. “Often women are more emotional because the relationship matters a lot to them, and while that may come out in a push or a shove or a grab, all of which are considered dating violence, it doesn’t have the effect of intimidating the man.”

Morris Dancing - put your ass up in the air

Yellow Cake  posted on  2008-12-01   17:55:01 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#17. To: IndieTX (#0)

If you have been the victim of dating violence (hitting, kicking, coerced into sex, stalking) please e-mail me and tell me about it.

Had a guy punch me right between the eyes once. Does that count?

I think the statistics show men are more prone to spousal abuse than women are.


Meet the new boss, same as the old boss — The Who

farmfriend  posted on  2008-12-01   18:30:48 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#18. To: IndieTX (#0)

i had my wife throw some keys at me once. am i an abuse victim and dint know it?? can i sue? ;-p

Glory to God in the highest, and Peace to His people on Earth.
"I don't know where Bin Laden is. I truly am not that concerned about him"
George W, Bush, 3/13/02 http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/03/20020313-8.html

Artisan  posted on  2008-12-01   18:37:24 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#19. To: farmfriend (#17) (Edited)

It's not a contest. It's the ability to recognize that women are as guilty as men of abuse and that women can and DO abuse, but hypocritically think the rules don't apply to them. You know...blacks can't be racist and women can't be abusers? PFFT.

Law Enforcement Against Prohibition


"Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." ~~ IndieTx

SILENT RUNNING

IndieTX  posted on  2008-12-01   18:42:56 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#20. To: Artisan (#18)

To: IndieTX i had my wife throw some keys at me once. am i an abuse victim and dint know it?? can i sue? ;-p

Well, had you done it her, you'd have slept the night with Tyrone in the Gray Bar Motel pal. I can assure you of that.

Law Enforcement Against Prohibition


"Corporation: An entity created for the legal protection of its human parasites, whose sole purpose is profit and self-perpetuation." ~~ IndieTx

SILENT RUNNING

IndieTX  posted on  2008-12-01   18:43:57 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#21. To: IndieTX (#19)

It's the ability to recognize that women are as guilty as men of abuse and that women can and DO abuse,

Don't have to tell me. I'm the masculinist on the forum.


Meet the new boss, same as the old boss — The Who

farmfriend  posted on  2008-12-01   18:49:58 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#22. To: IndieTX (#20)

ha ha. thats a good point. i dont know how men can stay married to women who call the cops on them.

Glory to God in the highest, and Peace to His people on Earth.
"I don't know where Bin Laden is. I truly am not that concerned about him"
George W, Bush, 3/13/02 http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2002/03/20020313-8.html

Artisan  posted on  2008-12-01   18:51:41 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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