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Title: Dating Violence Against Men: Assault and Sexual Coercion
Source:
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URL Source: http://www.batteredmen.com/dateviol.htm
Published: Dec 1, 2008
Author: multiple
Post Date: 2008-12-01 04:58:39 by IndieTX
Keywords: None
Views: 645
Comments: 22
The National Center for Victims of Crime says that that as many as 45 percent of females and 43 percent of males reported being the victim of violence from dating partners at least once.1 Note: If you have been the victim of dating violence (hitting, kicking, coerced into sex, stalking) please e-mail me and tell me about it. What happened? Did you tell anyone about it? Why or why not? Did you seek help? Why or why not? If you did seek help, did you get it? May we publish your story here? We'll do it anonymously, unless you give specific permission to use your name and/or e-mail address. Know a young man who may be the victim of dating assault or sexual coercion? Print out this page and give it to him. Often, it'll be enough to get him to talk to you about it -- if not right away, perhaps in a bit. And talking to another man about it is the first step in healing -- in survival. The Centers for Disease Control "cook" the data and ignore their own study on domestic violence to gender-polarize the issue of dating violence, but many studies show that women initiate dating violence about as often as men. Date Rape Date rape? You can't be serious! But we are. "Date Rape" is being coerced into having unwanted sex. There are lots of forms of coercion—physical force, as in traditional "sexual assault" or rape, is only one. A University of Washington study shows that young men are forced into unwanted sex about as often as young women. Click here for details. Several studies show that about 16-24% of male college students are coerced into unwanted sex. Click here for details. Dr. Peter Anderson of the University of New Orleans wrote an article a few years back, "Sexual Victimization: It Happens to Boys Too." You can read it here. It's worth the read. Alan W. McEvoy, Ph.D. Also check out Male Rape: It happens! Not just in prison or among gay men. It's by Dr. Alan W. McEvoy, author of the book If He is Raped How does a woman force a guy to have unwanted sex? According to expert Cindi Struckman-Johnson, women are most likely to use psychological pressure such as verbal pleading and arguments, emotional blackmail, and deception. Another common approach of sexually aggressive women is to take advantage of a man's intoxicated state. A typical scenario, according to male victims, involves a predatory woman who encounters an inebriated man (or contributes to his drinking) and pursues him until he falls asleep or passes out. The woman then manually or orally stimulates him to erection and mounts him for sexual intercourse. Sexually aggressive women only occasionally resort to force tactics, which we define as intimidation with size, threats of harm including blackmail, physical restraint, physical harm or use of a weapon. In most cases, the force was not extreme. Women locked men into cars, blocked their retreat from a room, grabbed at them, threw them down on beds and floors, sat on them, and tied them up. In some instances, women pinched, slapped and hit men who tried to stop their advances. A few men reported that women blackmailed them into having sex by threatening to divulge damaging information to parents, employers or girlfriends.[ED: or threaten rape to the police] A (male) member of the Board of the Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs told me of the son of a friend. When he wasn't aggressive enough, his date grabbed him by the crotch. The boy was too humiliated to want to tell anyone about it. What would be the outcry if a boy grabbed a girl by the crotch at that dance? Unwanted sex? So he got lucky, right? Wrong! Unwanted is unwanted, for men as well as women. Men, like women, feel cheap and slimy after an event like that. It interferes with their sexual relationship with the woman they meet later and want to be romantically involved with. It objectifies women as well as men— a "hot topic" for feminists. It treats both parties as objects in which to "get off" in recreational sex, rather than people with whom to form a "whole person" romantic relationship. It's also abusive. Abuse is about "power and control," as proponents of the "Duluth Model" of domestic violence are quick to tell you. Yes, women use sex for "power and control." And a woman who forces a man to have unwanted sex is exerting "power over." What can you do? Talk about it. Too often, men feel a "double shame," the shame that a woman date-rape victim or battered woman feels, and the "man's shame" of not wanting sex or being beaten up by a woman and being mocked or laughed at for it. Don't wait until she cuts you open with a kitchen knife. If she's unreasonably jealous or controlling, if she's a "control freak," if she slaps you around or throws things, if she starts to destroy things that are personally important to you, don't ignore the signs! It's not going to get any better! Watch out for your own safety! Assault Men, as well as women, are subject to dating assault. One large study shows that 29% of the 1,000 college women polled said they had physically assaulted their male partners. It wasn't in self-defense. Most often, it was because he wasn't sensitive to her needs, she wanted to get his attention or he wasn't listening to her. Click here to find out the details. The Centers for Disease Control "cook" the data and ignore their own study on domestic violence to gender-polarize the issue of dating violence, but many studies show that women initiate dating violence about as often as men. Everything on this site for battered men applies to boys and men physically assaulted by a date, a girlfriend or a partner, too. Poster Comment: IF you have teenage sons, be sure and talk to them about this information. It is time to stop the hypocrisy. 
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#2. To: IndieTX, Rotara, Turtle, Cynicom, Dakmar, lodwick, Jethro Tull, all (#0)
Yes, to be thought of as nothing more than a sex object just always made me feel horribly used. Oh the humanity!!!
This 'article' is truly worthy of the Onion.
Lod... I volunteered to be violated, for scientific reasons of course, they called me a dirty olde man and to go away.
Same here. In fifteen years of 'dating,' not one time was I compromised against my will, or coerced into unseemly conduct.
Guess we were just two of the unlucky, unfortunate and UNLOVED. Story of my life.
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Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/LatestMen, like women, feel cheap and slimy after an event like that.
#6. To: James Deffenbach, IndieTX, PSUSA, the raped, all (#2)
#7. To: lodwick (#6)
#8. To: Cynicom (#7)
#9. To: lodwick (#8)
Replies to Comment # 9.