ZOSIA BIELSKI
'A crush is like a love disease. It can drive you mad."
That's wisdom from nine-year-old Alec Greven. After watching his classmates mingling at recess, the Colorado third-grader decided the boys needed some help. With a creative writing assignment due, Alec spun his observations into a pamphlet called How to Talk to Girls - which then sold for $3 (U.S.) at the school fair. The project has gained Alec international media coverage, a publishing deal and now a film deal - Fox bought the rights on Tuesday. He's already planning his next books - they'll tackle mom, dad and Santa.
While some of his advice is kid stuff ("Control your hyperness and cut down on sugar if necessary"), some of it could benefit most grown men. Consider this suggestion from Chapter 1: "You also have to be aware that girls win most of the arguments and have most of the power. If you know that now, things might be easier."
There are also chapters on crushes, compliments and the thrill of victory. The 46-page book is selling in 17 countries. Ahead of Alec's appearance on Late Night with Conan O'Brien last night, we spoke with the pint-sized pickup artist about pretty girls and class clowns. Alec Greven
Alec Greven The Globe and Mail
What did you see on the playground last year when you were in Grade 3?
I saw boys having trouble getting girls to like them, getting ditched and getting all miserable and everything, so I wanted to write a book that helped them.
What were these boys doing wrong?
Usually their brains turned to mush and they [would] say something wrong.
You had a crush on a girl in preschool but your family moved away.
I was 3 and I didn't even know what a crush was. It was kind of like friends, dug a little deeper.
You said, "I had to let her wash out of my mind." How did you do that? I think adults wouldn't mind knowing.
The thing is, I actually forgot about it. My parents actually told me. I wouldn't have known if it weren't for my mom and dad.
What kind of advice do you have for the class clown?
Class clowns: Turn normal. Less jokes, no jokes during class. Then you might get a girl.
But girls like a sense of humour.
Well, some do but most don't, really.
What about the shy guy?
The shy guy? They probably want to copy someone that they think is cool except it can't be a class clown or somebody that's power hungry.
Did anyone give you advice writing the pamphlet or the book?
No. I wrote it all by myself.
So tell me about pretty girls. They seem pretty scary.
Well, pretty girls, all they care about is their looks. That's why we call them pretty girls. You can go for regular girls because regular girls can be pretty too. They just have other things on their minds.
What do you mean when you say, "Pretty girls, like cars, need a lot of oil?"
That kind of means, you know how oil costs money and it takes work to put the oil in the car? If you're trying to get a pretty girl to like you, there's a 98-per-cent chance that she'll ditch you.
So that's higher than the regular percentage right? Regular girls ditch boys 73 per cent of the time?
Yes.
Do you think all pretty girls are mean?
Most are. Some aren't, but usually they'll just ignore you and they're kind of rude.
Do you think that's because they know they can get away with it, because they're pretty?
No, it's because they think they're all important and proud and they're worth more than other girls.
Have you become interested in girls at all through this whole experience?
I'm a little young to go out dating and everything with girls yet. I'm friends with girls.
How did they react to your book?
They actually thought it was pretty funny. Some, they want to write How to Talk to Boys.
How do you know if your advice works?
Boys come up and say that my advice worked [in elementary school].
What mistakes do you see adults making?
Adults?
Yeah, like men and women.
Actually, I haven't really observed adults just yet. This is kind of an elementary guide for basics. When I'm in middle school and I observe there, I could do a basics for middle school, and then basics for high school, and then basics for college and then basics for adults. Some [advice] like "Life is hard, move on," is pretty much going to go in all the books because it's a very, very important tip.
Do you plan to marry?
I don't really know.
GIRLS 101
* "If you like a girl, comb your hair and don't wear sweats. You don't have to try too hard, but just try to look kind of clean." * "Go for a talkative girl if you are shy. Then you only have to say one sentence, and she will do the rest of the talking." * "When you see a pretty girl, don't let her tractor beam pull you in. ... If you are really confident, go for it!" * "Do you think that attracting a girl's attention means flapping your arms like a chicken and making noise? No way." * "Whatever happens, don't let it make you crazy."
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Poster Comment:
In middle school, high school, college and after, I never went out of my way to talk to girls. There were very few I was ever interested in, and I knew that 95% of them -- those with IQs of less that 120 -- would think I was a weirdo.
I had monster models in my room, had a library of about 100 books, couldn't care less about sports, loved pugs, and in general was a misfit.
Oddly, I still got so many girls some of the other guys were very envious, especially in college, when the guys in the house I lived in couldn't stand it because I was bringing girls home overnight and they didn't have any.
When I wasn't around they would tell the girls, "You can do better than that." One told one guy, "Any girl can do better than you."