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Title: Welcome to Turtle Island
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Published: Jan 28, 2009
Author: Turtle
Post Date: 2009-01-28 10:19:26 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 329
Comments: 35
Welcome to Turtle Island, the best place in the world to live. Your bags will be carried to the hotel by Cynicom and James Deffenbach (no tipping is allowed). Turtle Island is ruled by the Turtle King, who has no rules beyond, "Do as you please and harm no one." Turtle Island is located in the middle of the Lake of the Ozarks, but is invisible like Brigadoon, and appears only once every ten year to take new people on. Turtle Island is sunny 365 days a years and is 72 degrees all year round. No tormenting the turtles is allowed.
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#1. To: Cynicom, James Deffenbach (#0)
In politics there is no murder.
What are you, a goddamn Wiccan?
Too sexy for my goat.
The original quote was something along the lines of "Love and dp as you please," and was originally from Aquinas or Augustine. If the Wiccans have picked it up, I did not know that, but they got it from Christianity, which I find both ironic and amusing.
In politics there is no murder.
Whoever said it, I knew it would be someone who never had kids. Can't trust those guys.
Too sexy for my goat.
In politics there is no murder.
I want a green cap. It can't be little either or it won't fit my head.
God is always good!
Turtle Island is for adults. Well, teenage girls are allowed. Cute ones.
In politics there is no murder.
Bellcaps have to wear red caps. Gardeners can wear green ones.
In politics there is no murder.
No children are allowed on Turtle island, unless they are pug puppies.
In politics there is no murder.
Cynicom, Turtle is talking smack again. I think the boy may be on medication, ahaha. He may have to be neutered and made to stand in the corner until he can learn to respect his elders.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. Well, I look for a total mental breakdown for Turtle, soon. When that happens, Christine will sign papers to have him committed. I think that is best for society.
When that happens, Christine will sign papers to have him committed. I think that is best for society. She best get on with the paper signing. I think that breakdown happened some time ago.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. There have been signs for some time that Turtle has gone round the bend. For instance, his endless fantasies about gurl friends that we know never existed. I think carrying that smelly shell around has affected his brain, deteriorated if you will.
The bellcaps are not getting paid to talk, only to carry luggage. And straighten those caps, too.
In politics there is no murder.
For instance, his endless fantasies about gurl friends that we know never existed. I think carrying that smelly shell around has affected his brain, deteriorated if you will. I believe that diagnosis is accurate. I put the Turtle filter back in operation so he wouldn't know we were talking about him.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. And straighten those caps, too. Are your employee's a member of any union?? Do you pay them minimum wage and offer benefits such as medical insurance?? Are the working conditions safe?? Do you provide training programs to prevent OTJ injuries from carrying luggage?? Overtime?? How much vacation do the employees accrue each year?? Do you hire illegal immigrants??
_________________________________________________________________________ I'll chaperone the gurl in the picture.
"Satan / Cheney in "08" They should be grateful they're being paid two dollars an hour and allowed to live in a shack on the beach.
I can kill you with my Brain.
Both of you obviously have no gratitude to Turtle when he engages in noblesse oblige and attempts to help the mentally stillborn. Paying you two dollars and hour...letting you eat all the bananas and coconuts you can get out of the trees...a free shack on the beach...bah!
I can kill you with my Brain.
Cynicom, way I heard it was that Turtle was the victim of a botched abortion attempt. Only thing that died was the brain. I do feel sorry for the boy wandering around jabbering to anyone who will listen about gurls that only he can see. I still have my Turtle filter on--make sure you turn yours on so we can talk about him at our leisure.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end.
There are consequences to making fun of Turtle, none good, all bad, some horrible to contemplate, some horrible beyond comprehension. The least of them is that Turtle takes away your little red caps, causing both of you to cry like girls who lost their dolls. You can avoid these heinous consequenes by making sure you give Turtle his just due, bowing to him, worshipping him, not eating too many of his bananas and coconuts, etc. Otherwise, Turtle will send out Emanations that will blow up the two brain cells that both of you have, along with your heads. Now start toting that luggage, and no more lip from either of you! Otherwise...you know what!
I can kill you with my Brain.
With this thread I can now officially call it: Turtle has, on this forum, documented the most entertaining complete mental breakdown and disconnect from reality since Philip K. Dick penned his notorious "Valis" trilogy. All we need now is for Turtle to write a 5,000 page caffeine fueled exegesis on spiritual matters, and we'll be all set to lay the foundation for the next new religion. Now, Turtle, remember this if nothing else: Major bonus points for sheer entertainment value are awarded! It doesn't have to make any sense, it just has to feel like it makes sense. I'm counting on you Turtle. You are my last hope, if you fail me on this I'll have to throw in with the followers of Philip K. Dick, and will spend the rest of my life deciphering amphetamine powered discourses on "Rhipadon societies", "living and intelligent pink plasmates" and "King Felix". Do you really want me to have to become an actual "Dickhead"? Do you? I'd much rather be known as a follower of the philosophy of the Great Turtle.
I forgot to inform you of your new jobs. You'll be provided with little red caps.
#2. To: Turtle (#0)
"Do as you please and harm no one."
#3. To: Prefrontal Vortex (#2)
#4. To: Turtle (#3)
#5. To: tom007 (#0)
I forgot, you get a little red cap, too.
#6. To: Turtle (#5)
#7. To: Prefrontal Vortex (#4)
#8. To: RickyJ (#6)
#9. To: Prefrontal Vortex (#4)
#10. To: Turtle, Cynicom (#1)
I forgot to inform you of your new jobs. You'll be provided with little red caps.
Lord Acton
#11. To: James Deffenbach, Turtle (#10)
#12. To: Cynicom, christine, Turtle (#11)
Well, I look for a total mental breakdown for Turtle, soon.
Lord Acton
#13. To: James Deffenbach (#12)
She best get on with the paper signing. I think that breakdown happened some time ago.
#14. To: Cynicom, James Deffenbach (#13)
#15. To: Cynicom (#13)
There have been signs for some time that Turtle has gone round the bend.
Lord Acton
#16. To: Turtle, All (#14)
The bellcaps are not getting paid to talk, only to carry luggage.
"This man is Jesus,” shouted one man, spilling his Guinness as Barack Obama began his inaugural address. “When will he come to Kenya to save us?”
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
#17. To: Turtle (#5)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/davos/4374492/WEF-2009-Global-crisis-has-destroyed-40pc-of-world-wealth.html
#18. To: X-15 (#16)
#19. To: James Deffenbach, Cynicom (#15)
#20. To: Turtle, Cynicom (#19)
Both of you obviously have no gratitude to Turtle when he engages in noblesse oblige and attempts to help the mentally stillborn.
Lord Acton
#21. To: James Deffenbach, turtle (#20)
#22. To: James Deffenbach, Cynicom (#20)
#23. To: Turtle, James Deffenbach, Cynicom (#22)
 | Gold and silver are REAL money, paper is but a promise. |
#24. To: Elliott Jackalope, Turtle soup (#23)
#25. To: Elliott Jackalope, James Deffenbach, Turtle (#23)
I...MIGHT...think about giving turtle a second chance to redeem himself, IF he can show us just one photo of Turtle and a hottie. Barring that, I suspect Christine as he conservator will have to sign legal papers having Turtle committed. Society does have a right to protect itself.
You are my last hope,
#26. To: Jethro Tull (#24)
Good Lord, man. That pic's almost as bad as the flat faced first floozie. GAK!
Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner.
My Man Godfrey (1936)
#27. To: Elliott Jackalope, Cynicom, Jethro Tull, James Deffenbach (#23)
Turtle bestows benedictions on His followers, including PKD.
I can kill you with my Brain.
#28. To: Turtle (#27)
We're off to a good start. Now remember, more like "Divine Invasion" and less like "Radio Free Albemuth", OK? Can you do that for me?
| Gold and silver are REAL money, paper is but a promise. |
#29. To: Esso (#26)
I'll lose her tonight when I pass out, but until then enjoy my little Boobla Boo!
#30. To: Elliott Jackalope (#28)
Turtle spends His spare time traveling around the Galaxy and healing Pots.
I can kill you with my Brain.
#31. To: Turtle (#18)
The Obummer Labor Department Special Operations Force "Team 6" has been mobilized out of Virginia: government squids with waterproof clipboards will be infiltrating the beach at high tide....
They should be grateful they're being paid two dollars an hour and allowed to live in a shack on the beach.
_________________________________________________________________________
"This man is Jesus,” shouted one man, spilling his Guinness as Barack Obama began his inaugural address. “When will he come to Kenya to save us?”
-Schweizerische Schuetzenzeitung (Swiss Shooting Federation) April, 1941
#32. To: Turtle, Cynicom (#22) (Edited)
The boy is off his meds again, Cynicom. I sure hope he gets back on them soon because he sure is a raving nutter without them.
< turtle filter on >
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end.
Lord Acton
#33. To: Turtle (#0)
If a thousand men were not to pay their tax bills this year, that would not be a violent and bloody measure, as it would be to pay them, and enable the State to commit violence and shed innocent blood.
Henry David Thoreau - 1849
#34. To: Elliott Jackalope, Turtle, Cynicom (#23)
"Counting on Turtle," you say? He's your "last hope"? My goodness, man, are you so far gone that you believe you can count on a turtle? LOL! (funny post though)
I'm counting on you Turtle. You are my last hope, if you fail me on this I'll have to throw in with the followers of Philip K. Dick, and will spend the rest of my life deciphering amphetamine powered discourses on "Rhipadon societies", "living and intelligent pink plasmates" and "King Felix". Do you really want me to have to become an actual "Dickhead"? Do you? I'd much rather be known as a follower of the philosophy of the Great Turtle.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end.
Lord Acton
#35. To: Cynicom (#25)
Barring that, I suspect Christine as he conservator will have to sign legal papers having Turtle committed. Society does have a right to protect itself. You can't count on him showing a picture with any actual girl, just some Photoshop thing somebody made for him when they felt a twinge of pity. Christine needs to get on with signing whatever papers need to be signed.
I...MIGHT...think about giving turtle a second chance to redeem himself, IF he can show us just one photo of Turtle and a hottie.
Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end.
Lord Acton
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