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Title: Welcome to Turtle Island
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Published: Jan 28, 2009
Author: Turtle
Post Date: 2009-01-28 10:19:26 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 726
Comments: 35
Welcome to Turtle Island, the best place in the world to live. Your bags will be carried to the hotel by Cynicom and James Deffenbach (no tipping is allowed). Turtle Island is ruled by the Turtle King, who has no rules beyond, "Do as you please and harm no one." Turtle Island is located in the middle of the Lake of the Ozarks, but is invisible like Brigadoon, and appears only once every ten year to take new people on. Turtle Island is sunny 365 days a years and is 72 degrees all year round. No tormenting the turtles is allowed.
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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 28.
#1. To: Cynicom, James Deffenbach (#0)
Cynicom, Turtle is talking smack again. I think the boy may be on medication, ahaha. He may have to be neutered and made to stand in the corner until he can learn to respect his elders.
Well, I look for a total mental breakdown for Turtle, soon. When that happens, Christine will sign papers to have him committed. I think that is best for society.
When that happens, Christine will sign papers to have him committed. I think that is best for society. She best get on with the paper signing. I think that breakdown happened some time ago.
There have been signs for some time that Turtle has gone round the bend. For instance, his endless fantasies about gurl friends that we know never existed. I think carrying that smelly shell around has affected his brain, deteriorated if you will.
For instance, his endless fantasies about gurl friends that we know never existed. I think carrying that smelly shell around has affected his brain, deteriorated if you will. I believe that diagnosis is accurate. I put the Turtle filter back in operation so he wouldn't know we were talking about him.
Both of you obviously have no gratitude to Turtle when he engages in noblesse oblige and attempts to help the mentally stillborn. Paying you two dollars and hour...letting you eat all the bananas and coconuts you can get out of the trees...a free shack on the beach...bah!
Cynicom, way I heard it was that Turtle was the victim of a botched abortion attempt. Only thing that died was the brain. I do feel sorry for the boy wandering around jabbering to anyone who will listen about gurls that only he can see. I still have my Turtle filter on--make sure you turn yours on so we can talk about him at our leisure.
There are consequences to making fun of Turtle, none good, all bad, some horrible to contemplate, some horrible beyond comprehension. The least of them is that Turtle takes away your little red caps, causing both of you to cry like girls who lost their dolls. You can avoid these heinous consequenes by making sure you give Turtle his just due, bowing to him, worshipping him, not eating too many of his bananas and coconuts, etc. Otherwise, Turtle will send out Emanations that will blow up the two brain cells that both of you have, along with your heads. Now start toting that luggage, and no more lip from either of you! Otherwise...you know what!
With this thread I can now officially call it: Turtle has, on this forum, documented the most entertaining complete mental breakdown and disconnect from reality since Philip K. Dick penned his notorious "Valis" trilogy. All we need now is for Turtle to write a 5,000 page caffeine fueled exegesis on spiritual matters, and we'll be all set to lay the foundation for the next new religion. Now, Turtle, remember this if nothing else: Major bonus points for sheer entertainment value are awarded! It doesn't have to make any sense, it just has to feel like it makes sense. I'm counting on you Turtle. You are my last hope, if you fail me on this I'll have to throw in with the followers of Philip K. Dick, and will spend the rest of my life deciphering amphetamine powered discourses on "Rhipadon societies", "living and intelligent pink plasmates" and "King Felix". Do you really want me to have to become an actual "Dickhead"? Do you? I'd much rather be known as a follower of the philosophy of the Great Turtle.
Turtle bestows benedictions on His followers, including PKD.
We're off to a good start. Now remember, more like "Divine Invasion" and less like "Radio Free Albemuth", OK? Can you do that for me?
#30. To: Elliott Jackalope (#28)
Turtle spends His spare time traveling around the Galaxy and healing Pots.
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/LatestI forgot to inform you of your new jobs. You'll be provided with little red caps.
#10. To: Turtle, Cynicom (#1)
I forgot to inform you of your new jobs. You'll be provided with little red caps.
#11. To: James Deffenbach, Turtle (#10)
#12. To: Cynicom, christine, Turtle (#11)
Well, I look for a total mental breakdown for Turtle, soon.
#13. To: James Deffenbach (#12)
She best get on with the paper signing. I think that breakdown happened some time ago.
#15. To: Cynicom (#13)
There have been signs for some time that Turtle has gone round the bend.
#19. To: James Deffenbach, Cynicom (#15)
#20. To: Turtle, Cynicom (#19)
Both of you obviously have no gratitude to Turtle when he engages in noblesse oblige and attempts to help the mentally stillborn.
#22. To: James Deffenbach, Cynicom (#20)
#23. To: Turtle, James Deffenbach, Cynicom (#22)
#27. To: Elliott Jackalope, Cynicom, Jethro Tull, James Deffenbach (#23)
#28. To: Turtle (#27)
Replies to Comment # 28.
End Trace Mode for Comment # 28.