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Title: Understanding Body Language
Source:
BNET
URL Source: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1608/is_n7_v14/ai_20946890
Published: Mar 21, 2009
Author: Joy Davidson
Post Date: 2009-03-21 07:36:16 by Turtle
Keywords: None
Views: 200
Comments: 1
Understanding body language in the workplace isn't just a game - it's a career necessity Imagine this scenario: You're talking to your boss about why you feel you're due for a raise. You itemize what you've done beyond your job requirements, and he says, "Fair enough. I'll consider it and get back to you." That sounds good, except that you didn't notice the steeple he formed with his hands while listening to you, and the distracted way he rubbed his nose. Meaningless? Absolutely not. Fact is, he's already given you an answer, but you may not have noticed the telltale signals. It's easy to miss subtle messages in the way someone positions his body, uses his hands, moves his eyes or alters his tone of voice. But when you do, you can miss out on vital information at work, from peers and supervisors alike, where decoding "body talk" matters as much as - and sometimes more than - the spoken word. Why? Because nonverbal cues are more immediate, instinctive and uncontrolled than verbal expression, bringing genuine attitudes and feelings smack into the open. Psychologists have studied body language for decades, and while they may disagree on certain details, some general principles are well accepted. Learning them can make a huge, virtually instant improvement in your business-communication skills and career potential. Don't just listen - watch Knowing whether you're successfully connecting with someone not only saves a lot of time and energy, but can help you redeem an iffy situation from the snapping jaws of oblivion. Take John, who learned that lesson the hard way. In his first meeting with a prospective client, he began rattling on about the benefits of their doing business together. At first, the client leaned forward looking directly at John, his palms casually resting on the edge of the conference table. He even nodded from time to time in response to John's pitch. His body talk was saying, "I'm open; I'm interested in what you have to offer." But after 10 minutes of listening to John drone on without a pause, all that changed. The client's eyes began to wander. He swayed back in his chair until it nearly touched the wall behind him. He crossed his arms protectively over his chest; he glanced at his watch; he scratched his forehead. Finally, the client checked his watch and piped up, "Sorry, John. We'll have to stop here. I have another appointment waiting." John blew it because he didn't consciously read the meaning of his client's sudden shift to a guarded posture, or recognize that his fidgeting and loss of eye contact were sure-fire clues that his interest was slipping away. Had John been sharper, he could have posed a couple of pertinent questions well before he lost the client's attention. He could have gotten the man talking and involved, and probably reclaimed his chance to snag the account. Key body signals By paying careful attention to body language, and noticing when someone makes a sudden transition from one attitude to another, you'll have a good idea of what the other person is thinking - whether or not that's what he or she is saying. If, for example, a boss, co-worker or client moves from an open, undefended posture to a more untrusting position, be aware that you're turning him or her off and should change your approach. You might elaborate on the topic that elicited supportive gestures and steer clear of stuff that shuts your listener down. Or you might reframe your whole presentation, broaching troublesome content another time, in another manner. By watching out for the following cues, you can gauge how well you're relating to another person. And if you deliberately emphasize some of these gestures yourself (without looking like you're "posing"), you'll convey strong messages without having to utter a single word. * Open palms: sincerity, openness, receptivity * Leaning closer: interest, comfort * Leaning away: discomfort with the facts being presented or the person presenting them * Nodding: interest, agreement and understanding * A relaxed posture: openness to communication * Arms crossed over chest: defensiveness, guardedness, resistance * Gesturing warmly or talking with hands: interest and involvement in the conversation * Hand to cheek: evaluating, considering * Hands clasped behind back: anger, frustration * Sitting with hands clasped behind head: arrogance, superiority (except in long-standing relationships) * Tapping or drumming fingers: impatience, annoyance * Steepling fingers: closing off, creating a barrier * Fidgeting: boredom, nervousness or impatience * Hand over mouth: generally negative; often denotes disapproval or reluctance to speak openly * Clutching objects tightly: anxiety, nervous anticipation Standing tall It isn't enough just to understand other people's body language - controlling your own nonverbal signals can improve your image and increase your success. If you want to appear confident, open and in control, practice these moves in front of a mirror until they're second nature: * Walk with a brisk, easy stride, eyes forward. * Stand evenly on both feet. Keep your arms relaxed and casual. For example, keep one hand in your pocket, and use the other one for gesturing as you speak. Don't slouch, but don't stand up so stiffly that you look like you're attached to a flagpole. * Look at others straight-on. Meet their eyes, then occasionally let your gaze drift elsewhere to keep from staring. * Avoid "commando" postures such as hands on your hips or clasped behind your head. Also avoid "barrier" language, such as turning your body away or keeping your arms folded. * Keep your gestures loose yet controlled if those around you seem reserved or nervous. Avoid excessively exuberant or frantic movements. * Move slightly closer to others if you want to "warm up" the relationship. * Be sure your words and your body language match, or you'll seem insincere. * Smile. People who feel good about themselves rarely look grim or dour. These gestures may seem insignificant, but they can actually be quite important. That's because while you're strategically watching other people's body signals, they may be keeping just as close an eye on yours. Spotting deception Now you know how to tell what business colleagues are unconsciously saying despite their words. But what if someone is intentionally misleading you? When a person's words and body language conflict, trust the body. It's always more honest. Let's go back to the very first scenario, in which you were asking for a raise. Remember the nose-rub thing your boss did? Under certain circumstances, a simple, seemingly routine action like that can actually be a dead giveaway that someone is lying. John Millner, police chief of Elmhurst, Illinois, who's considered one of the nation's foremost experts in forensic uses of body language, points to the nose rub as a common sign of dishonesty - especially when it's combined with breached eye contact and a walling-off hand position. Maybe your boss knows there's no room in the budget for a raise, but isn't in the mood for an immediate confrontation. Whatever the reason, his body talk tells you there's more going on than he's willing to reveal. By and large, Millner says, liars don't give themselves away with large gestures, but with "microexpressions" - unusual movements, head angles and breathing rhythms. "To get at a lie, you have to compare someone to him or herself, not to arbitrary criteria," Millner explains. So if you want to act as your own lie detector with, say, your girlfriend, try the kind of technique Millner uses on crime suspects: First, get a baseline for her truthful responses by asking a series of questions that she'd have no reason to lie about ("Did you feed the cat?"). Watch her eyes move; are they veering up and to the left, or down and to the right? Is she looking straight at you? How are her hands and legs positioned? Now ask her the tougher questions. Watch her body closely just before she begins to speak. Do you see anything inconsistent with her other responses? If so, she might not be telling you the whole truth. "The window of meaning is the period after you've asked the question you think someone's lying about, and before they've answered it," Millner says. "Once they've started talking, the body language doesn't count." Of course, if you believe she's lying, you shouldn't angrily confront her with it. That can only result in accusations of paranoia. Instead, try to create an atmosphere in which she feels comfortable revealing the truth. When people lie in intimate relationships, it's often because they don't feel safe with complete self-revelation. The point of trying to read her is to help remove obstacles to open communication. It's that broadening of communication that makes understanding body language a valuable skill in every facet of life. Knowing more about how someone feels and thinks will not only give you a business and personal advantage, but boost your confidence as well.
Poster Comment: When I owned a taxi I ran into some interesting body language, such as a woman pulling up her shirt in the backseat and saying, "Hey, Turtle, look at these!"
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#1. To: Diana (#0)
You'll like this one.
No place is better than Turtle Island.
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