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Title: The Dead Cat Tale
Source: the net
URL Source: [None]
Published: Apr 28, 2009
Author: .
Post Date: 2009-04-28 21:29:39 by James Deffenbach
Keywords: None
Views: 345
Comments: 8

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he had found a cat, but that it was dead. "How did you know the cat was dead?" his teacher asked.

"Because I pissed in it's ear and it didn't move" the child replied innocently.

"You did WHAT!!?? the teacher cried.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 4.

#1. To: James Deffenbach (#0)

No offense, but your joke sucked.

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside a Maryland immigration office.

'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and three children.'

The man told the fairy. 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and --

PING ! -- he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more to go.'

The refugee claimant now got bolder. 'I need a big house with a three car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here..

PING ! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.

'One more wish', said the fairy, waving her wand. 'Yes, one more wish.

I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn cloths, and a baseball cap instead of this turban. And I want to have white skin like Americans.

PING ! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T- shirt and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed. 'Where is my new house?'

THIS IS GOOD...

The fairy said 'Tough sh**, Mac, Now that you are a White American, you have to fend for yourself.'

And she disappeared.

Fred Mertz  posted on  2009-04-28   21:35:42 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

No offense, but your joke sucked.

None taken. As Shirley Q. Liquor says, "To each they own." fwiw, I thought the joke you posted was good.

James Deffenbach  posted on  2009-04-28   21:42:17 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

#5. To: All (#4)

CHRISTMAS CAKE Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 bottle Jose Quervo
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the Quervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Quervo again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Quervo is still OK.
Try another cup .... just in case
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Quervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a crap.
Check the Quervo
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window,
Finish the Jose Quervo and kick the cat.
CHERRY MISTMAS! >>

James Deffenbach  posted on  2009-04-28 21:48:53 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

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