Yesterday, after having watched a Coronavirus denialism video by German doctor Wolfgang Wodarg and then looking at his sources, I decided that I believed that Coronavirus is actually just the flu. However, just hours after writing about my findings, I got the results back from my test.

And the results have been devastating.

I’m positive.

As you all know, I was a very healthy, handsome man in the prime of my middle age (yes, 35 is middle age, it’s in the Bible and if you haven’t accepted it yet you need to grow up).

However, in the ensuing hours, things have rapidly taken a turn for the worse.

The Coronavirus infection has virulently degraded me, both physically and psychologically.

Don’t ask about my new facial tattoo – because I will tell you about it: Jews are hunting me, and I figure if they see a Star of David tattooed on my face, they won’t recognize me as a famous anti-Semite. This was the plan of my Nigerian housemaid.

I am here at the compound in Nigeria with my crew of Russian diamond smugglers and Nigerian internet scam artists, and they are taking good care of me.

However, things are tough going since the disease hit me.

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