I have always believed that football was the second stupidest sport, after golf, Now it is number one.

Always suspected they were gay, from the really tight spandex pants to their habit of patting each other on the ass.

Now all doubt has been removed.

football was the second stupidest sport

We worked security at Northwestern football games at Dyche Stadium in Evanston, Illinois. I was in the student section. I had some great fun there. We knew they had beer but we didn't want to see it.

One time I cut a stinky fart and this girl in the stands was waving her hand in front of her face. My black partner told me, "Eat some more beans."

One game with Michigan State there was a kid in the stands that was from Ann Arbor and a Michigan fan. The Northwestern kids were giving him a hard time. I told them all, "Would you want to be treated in the same manner if you were in Ann Arbor?"

Another time this guy pulled out a beer and starts to chug it right where I could see him. I walked up to him and said, "Let's have it." He didn't move so I grabbed it and dumped it. I told him to be mindful of the meaning of "discretion", be discreet.

Another game I saw some commotion in one of the rows. I went up there to see what was going on. This girl had a beer struck between her legs. I said, "Gee, I'd sure like to drink that beer" and she started to squirm.

When they beat Penn State and clinched the trip to the Rose Bowl I had one college girl under each arm. But the Quarterback choked in Pasadena and they got beat. ;)