DEL RIO, TX—After horrific images surfaced showing horseback Border Patrol agents patrolling the border while on horseback, President Biden’s Secretary of Horses has temporarily revoked their privilege of doing their job while riding horses.
“Until the agents learn to behave in a manner that doesn't call attention to one of Biden’s many disasters, they cannot ride any horses, and must instead use these.” He then held up two empty coconut halves, demonstrating how they sound like horse hooves when banged together. A journalist from CNN asked if the sound was coming from a real horse.
Border agent Bob Arthur expressed disappointment in the decision but said he understands why it had to happen. “We Texans can get carried away once we hop on a horse. From up there, anything moving looks like a steer needing to be lassoed, hogtied, then branded. It’s good they revoked our horse privileges before we pulled out our standard-issue branding irons.”
Officer Gallahad of Border Patrol Central Command says the change has already produced positive results, such as increased capture of illegal immigrants. He credits the increase to the fact that immigrants facing this new coconut-laden threat are unable to flee while also laughing uncontrollably.
Fortunately for Border Patrol, most migrants are deciding to return to their home countries after hearing horror stories of vaccine ID restrictions unfairly targeting minority families in cities like New York City.
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Lod posted on 2021-09-22 17:10:02 Reply Private Reply
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Border Patrol Agents Accused Of Patrolling Border
DEL RIO, TX—Americans are outraged after whistleblowers produced credible evidence that the U.S. Border Patrol has been patrolling the U.S. border and doing so with impunity for many years.
"How have we allowed our border to be patrolled unchecked for so long?" said AOC on her TikTok channel after viewing harrowing footage of agents on horseback doing their job. "Also, who cut off the horns of those unicorns and put saddles on them? It's so inhumane! This is actual, literal fascism, people. Just like Hitler and slavery."
She then donned her fancy white crying suit and wept in anguish.
CNN broke the story, which included disturbing footage shot by citizen journalists of border agents riding on large, scary mammalian creatures, up and down the border, as if they are trying to prevent people from entering the country illegally.
"Just horrific," said CNN anchor Jake Tapper. "It's hard to believe such a thing could happen in our country."
Former President Obama also weighed in, saying: "This is...uh...not, who we are."
The Border Patrol has apologized, saying the offending agents will be placed on unpaid leave immediately pending investigation. The rest of the officers will be tasked with handing out voter registrations and government food assistance cards to incoming Democrat voters.
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'The Five' grills White House over banning horseback agents
Esso posted on 2021-09-23 19:00:14 Reply Private Reply