Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!

Here is the definitive list of items found in Biden's garage:

Obama's birth certificate

Private hair collection

180,000 Trump ballots

One of Hunter's hookers

Hunter

Friendship bracelet from President Xi

My Patriot Supply buckets (go to preparewithbee.com for an exclusive deal)

The real Joe Biden tied up and gagged shouting, "Help! that guy's an imposter!"

Unused StairMaster

All the CIA's JFK documents

Jimmy Hoffa

Treasure map leading to the lost city of Atlantis

A bunch of model train stuff

A pay stub from Burisma

The friendship bracelet he made for Obama but was too embarrassed to give him

Industrial-size pallet of Metamucil

A lock of Galadriel's hair

White hood

Cuties on Blu-Ray

A nuke - literally an entire nuke

Model of the Capitol building made of LEGO

Joe Biden's brain in a jar

Early classified copy of Hogwart's Legacy

A surprisingly solid collection of tabletop board games

Pontiac Aztek he's been restoring since 2014

All of the eggs

First 14 seasons of The Apprentice on DVD

12 vials of COVID-20 from Wuhan

500 boxes of Kellogg's Corn Pops

A pallet of 10% for the big guy

Wow! So exciting! Who knows what they'll find next?