Now that former President Trump has officially been indicted, everyone wants to know how this whole ordeal will unfold. Here are the nine things that will be happening next:

Trump will take the best, most beautiful mugshot the world has ever seen - that NFT is going to be YUGE.

The entire NYPD will wait in line to take selfies with him - it's tough being a hated criminal.

Trump will be stripped nude and marched through the city with a pagan priest yelling "shame!" and ringing a bell - pretty standard.

Trump's lawyers will file to dismiss the case on the grounds that a man and his mistress can't be charged with the same crime - checkmate, Alvin!

The judge will then determine Trump's guilt by having him tossed into the Hudson to see if he floats - luckily, Big Macs are pretty buoyant.

Trump will be thrown in jail, where Epstein's prison guards will be called out of retirement for one last mission - uh oh!

Dementors will attempt to suck Trump's life force away, but he will ward them off with a patronus of himself - we hear it takes the shape of a buffalo.

Trump will escape prison by slowly tunneling his way out behind a poster of Stormy Daniels - brilliant.

Every other politician will also be arrested for their crimes - hahahaha just kidding!

It's going to be a wild few weeks! Buckle up!!