WASHINGTON, D.C. — Trump appeared in court yesterday after Special Council Jack Smith charged him with the high crime of questioning his election results while not being a Democrat.

"The sacred words penned in our Constitution, which I have so much reverence for, make it clear that only Democrats are allowed to question election results," said Smith to reporters. "Trump brazenly questioned an election even though his name isn't Hillary and he didn't even have a fake Russian dossier to prove his case. This is a dark and dangerous day for our democracy. Hehe, alliteration."

"We must be clear: no one who is a Republican is above the law."

The former President has also been charged with 5 other counts, including:

Removing a USB drive without ejecting it first

Going to McDonald's and getting a cup for water but filling it with Sprite

Wearing a National Park Junior Ranger badge without finishing the activity booklet

Pressing the 'credit' button on a card reader even though he was using a debit card

Clicking the box saying he had read the Terms Of Service when he really just scrolled through it

High treason against the media

At publishing time, Trump had pleaded "not guilty" on all charges on the grounds that he is actually a Democrat.