When we worked Security at Julie's, a country night club in NW suburban Chicago, this guy had too much to drink, and they refused to serve him. I asked him, "Do you want me to call a cab?" He said, "Yes." I went to the phone and when I got done he had stumbled into the stairwell staff used to get to the upper level.

I and the other Security guy picked him up to take him to the door. He said he needed to take a leak, so we walked him to the head. He was having a problem and the other Security guy said, "Turn on the water." It worked like a charm.

So, we took him to the front door and sat him on a bench. The boss came along and said, "What did this guy have, two beers?" He gets up and wants to fight. I said, "Now John, you don't want to do that." He said, "At least someone called me by my name," And right back down on the bench he went.

I told that story to the local cop and he was laughing. ;)