Laws of Computer Programming

Source: None
Published: Mar 30, 2020
Author: Hoare (1980)
Post Date: 2020-03-30 00:47:35 by Esso
Views: 3552

1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.

3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

4. If a program is useless, it will have to be sold at a much higher cost.

5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

6. The value of a program is proportional to the uselessness of its purpose.

7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

8. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.

Poster Comment:

Packer's Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

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#1: Esso    To: Pinguinite (#0)

This one's for you ol' buddy!

Crap, I'm bored.

Esso posted on 2020-03-30 00:50:29   Reply   Private Reply

#2: Pinguinite    To: Esso (#1)

Pinguinite posted on 2020-03-30 01:03:35   Reply   Private Reply

#3: Esso    To: Pinguinite, 4um (#2)

Oh crap! That is funny, I never thought about in those terms.

(Edit) And building technology has moved ever so slowly. They could do so much better. They have some, but when the move to McMansions happened, they gave up innovation for floor-space.

I had one client that I helped with the design of his his "Dream House," I asked him if he was going to get his wife a riding sweeper.

OMG, what a project that was! Ol' Skillethead's waiting for me in Valhalla, or hiding. Nobody likes to hear, "I told you so!"

Learned a lot about what not to do in building houses though. KISS almost never fails.

Esso posted on 2020-03-30 01:06:44   Reply   Private Reply

#4: Pinguinite    To: Esso (#1)

At a recent computer exposition, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, GM issued a press release stating: “If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
  5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “General Protection Fault” message painted across the windshield, which would turn a bright blue color.
  7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
  10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Pinguinite posted on 2020-03-30 01:10:10   Reply   Private Reply

#5: Esso    To: Pinguinite (#4)

I guess we don't need Bill for cars now (we'll leave the vaccines to him).

We've got Elon! Gates squared.

Esso posted on 2020-03-30 01:32:40   Reply   Private Reply

#6: NeoconsNailed    To: Pinguinite (#4)

Whew, concentrated cynicism! Do ppl hate their puters that much (even allowing for hyperbole), do any of them actually stop that often?

Sounds like programmers have a miserable, jaded life.

NeoconsNailed posted on 2020-03-30 02:41:29   Reply   Private Reply

#7: Pinguinite    To: NeoconsNailed (#6)

The list is a bit old. Computers are more reliable these days. Even Windows runs better now than it used to.

Pinguinite posted on 2020-03-30 11:45:20   Reply   Private Reply

#8: BTP Holdings    To: Pinguinite (#4)

Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

That sounds like on the TV show Green Acres when Lisa was trying to learn how to drive a car. She called the gear shift lever for the automatic transmission a "PRNDL". LOL

BTP Holdings posted on 2020-03-30 12:05:29   Reply   Private Reply

#9: Anthem    To: Pinguinite (#2)

My first PC had 4 (four) kilobytes of RAM. Storage was on a cassette recorder (if you didn't have the volume set just right, tough luck). I learned BASIC on it.

Anthem posted on 2020-03-30 13:10:35   Reply   Private Reply

#10: Anthem    To: Pinguinite (#7)

Even Windows runs better now than it used to.

I had Win10 for a while. Went back to my old XP. One day when I'm feeling ambitious I'm going to set up a Linux box (I'm an old UNIX guy).

Anthem posted on 2020-03-30 13:20:58   Reply   Private Reply

#11: StraitGate    To: BTP Holdings (#8)

the TV show Green Acres

And every couple of shows Oliver would tell her, "I didn't marry you for your brains."

How about the time he made a head gasket for the apple truck out of Lisa's pancake slag?

My wife and I watched quite a few episodes on VHS or DVD -- can't remember which -- several years ago. Hate to think how many brain cells we killed off doing that.

StraitGate posted on 2020-03-30 15:28:47   Reply   Private Reply

#12: BTP Holdings    To: StraitGate (#11)

Hate to think how many brain cells we killed off doing that.

Especially when you consider Fred Ziffel and Arnold the Pig. LOL

BTP Holdings posted on 2020-03-30 16:27:35   Reply   Private Reply

#13: Pinguinite    To: Anthem (#9)

I remember saving basic programs to a cassette tape. The TRS-80's had that feature. The more advanced one's anyway. Took a few minutes to load your program, usually the size of 1 or 2 sheets of paper if it were typed out into the computer.

Had forgotten about that till you mentioned it.

Pinguinite posted on 2020-03-30 16:38:05   Reply   Private Reply

#14: Pinguinite    To: Anthem (#10)

One day when I'm feeling ambitious I'm going to set up a Linux box (I'm an old UNIX guy). 

There are very few excuses left for anyone still using Windows.

Pinguinite posted on 2020-03-30 16:39:34   Reply   Private Reply

#15: Anthem    To: Pinguinite (#14)

There are very few excuses left for anyone still using Windows.

  1. Laziness
  2. Priorities
  3. Lack of fucks

Anthem posted on 2020-03-30 16:48:48   Reply   Private Reply

#16: Pinguinite    To: Anthem (#15)

Yup, that's about all that's left on the list.

Pinguinite posted on 2020-03-30 17:17:40   Reply   Private Reply