OK, Horse, you get the prize for making me smile today, maybe the whole week.

His test is a little flawed, but the point is well taken.

If masks caused such oxygen deprivation, half this country would be insane and burning down cities and stuff.

A long time ago, somebody sent me a box of masks. You made me go look at them and actually open the box. Here's the deal:

CL (COMFORTLAB) DISPOSABLE PROTECTIVE MASK Made In China RN# 31526 [it's a 50 pk]

The box is about the size of 2.5 Kraft Macaroni & Cheese boxes stacked together. Inside the box is a bunch of those light blue masks in a sealed plastic bag with a piece of paper on top about the size of a business card:

QUALIFIED CERTIFICATE [qualified, can't argue with that]

PRODUCT: 3 layer disposable face mask (non-medical)

SPECIFICATION: 69" X 37.4" [Jesus, you could use them as a motorcycle cover!]

MATERIAL: 3 layer Non-woven(PP Polypropylene) with Elastic Earloop [2 would've been handier]

STANDARD: GB/T 32610-2016 [Goddamn, sounds official enough!]

EXPIRATION DATE: [long space] 3 years [official looking symbol]

INSPECTOR: 1 [hey, if #1 passes it, you know it's good]

MANUFACTURING DATE/LOT NO.: 202004 [made on the 20th day of 2004?]

SUZHOU DIFENG GARMENT CO.,LTD [we're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy]

Ick, I felt the need to wash my hands after touching that box. FWIW on the outside of the box the manufacturing date said Apr 2020 [during the height of the spread]. Super.

(Edited several times for maximum sarcasm and cynicism)