BEAVERTON, OR—After carefully listening to feedback from a growing chorus of three of their customers, Nike is making some long-awaited improvements to their 2022 women's swimwear line. Nike's new "Performance Series" of one-piece competitive women's swimsuits will feature extra room in the crotch for male genitalia.
"We suddenly realized we weren't serving a very important segment of women competitors—those with male genitals," said Nike VP of Diversity and Inclusion Xandryx Bithrannamynx. "Now, women of all shapes and sizes will be able to compete in their favorite swim sports!"
Several product designers at NIKE questioned the decision, as the new swimsuits now fit much too loosely on 99.97% of female swimmers. Those product designers were immediately condemned as transphobes and fired—after which they were doxxed, removed from social media, frozen out of their bank accounts, condemned publically by President Biden, and beat up by a 327-pound trans woman named "Lila" before being dumped on the street to fend for themselves.
"Nike proudly serves all women, with every form of genitals women can have," said Nike's CEO John Donahoe as the VP of Diversity and Inclusion grabbed his collar and prepared to push him off the roof of the office building. "This includes male genitals, which are actually female if they identify as... wait a minute, is that right? No! Please don't hurt me! PLEAAASEEE!!"
Nike is proudly reporting a huge increase in athletic performance from the new design, as most women swimmers who wear it beat their competitors by at least 48 seconds.
#1: Esso To: Ada, 4um (#0)
Absolutely believable in the Twilight Zone. Ya got me again.
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 10:34:26 Reply Private Reply
#2: Lod To: Esso, Ada, 4 (#1)
Lod posted on 2022-02-19 10:40:19 Reply Private Reply
#3: Ada To: Lod (#2)
Ada posted on 2022-02-19 11:49:51 Reply Private Reply
#4: BTP Holdings To: Ada (#3)
Certainly one sick puppy. :-/
BTP Holdings posted on 2022-02-19 12:04:07 Reply Private Reply
#5: Lod To: Ada (#3)
Can you think of any others? Do not strain your brain.
Lod posted on 2022-02-19 12:15:38 Reply Private Reply
#6: Esso To: Lod, 4um (#5)
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 12:22:07 Reply Private Reply
#7: BTP Holdings To: Ada (#0)
The fags at the florist shop called that the "basket".
I never had so much fun as when I went to work at a floral shop with female designers. ;)
BTP Holdings posted on 2022-02-19 13:23:12 Reply Private Reply
#8: Esso To: Ada (#0)
Massacre As Great White Shark Allowed To Compete In Women's 500 Freestyle
BOSTON, MA—Dozens of swimmers are dead and thousands of viewers have been traumatized as a Great White Shark named Tia was allowed to compete in the women's 500-yard freestyle event at the Ivy League Swimming & Diving Championships Friday.
"Wow, this brave swimmer is really making a splash here," said one commentator as the starting buzzer went off and the shark immediately thrashed through the pool, eating swimmers screaming for their lives. "Look at that form! It's like she was biologically designed for this kind of thing."
Tia continued to dominate heat after heating, wowing spectators with her speed, form, poise, and ability to maul anyone in the pool.
"What's your secret?" asked a reporter after the event. She was promptly eaten.
The shark was awarded every medal and placement, as all the other swimmers were dead. The official who gave her the championship trophy was promptly eaten.
Anyone questioning the validity of Tia's win will have their bank account frozen, be banned from Twitter, and put on an FBI watchlist.
Then, they will be promptly eaten.
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:01:26 Reply Private Reply
#9: Dakmar To: Esso (#8)
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:06:18 Reply Private Reply
#10: Esso To: Dakmar (#9)
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:09:44 Reply Private Reply
#11: Esso To: Dakmar (#9)
Important message from President Joeb Island
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:14:23 Reply Private Reply
#12: Dakmar To: Esso (#10)
Shit, what is this going to do for potatoes futures?
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:15:48 Reply Private Reply
#13: Ada To: Lod (#5)
Chaz is more attractive as a male than she was as a female. OTOH I have never seen a male to female who has improved his looks. In fact, they complain that no one wants to date them.
Ada posted on 2022-02-19 15:17:33 Reply Private Reply
#14: Esso To: Dakmar (#12)
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:21:36 Reply Private Reply
#15: Dakmar To: Ada (#13)
"I cut off my dick, injected myself with experimental hormones and silicon putty, screeched endlessly about how oppressed I was coming from a family of wealthy Connecticut bankers, and didn't even get a participation trophy..." - Time Magazine Person of the Year 2023
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:27:04 Reply Private Reply
#16: Dakmar To: Esso (#14)
They are sick and tired of being treated as a commodity. We should organize them. Does Biden have some sort of grant program to get us started?
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:29:09 Reply Private Reply
#17: Esso To: Dakmar (#15)
Woke Feminist Demands Men Attention After Sending Bikini Pics But Hates Getting Cat Called In Public
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:30:23 Reply Private Reply
#18: Dakmar To: Esso (#17)
Woke pronouns mixed with polka is a deadly combination.
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:34:57 Reply Private Reply
#19: Esso To: Dakmar (#18)
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:36:05 Reply Private Reply
#20: Dakmar To: Esso (#19)
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:37:41 Reply Private Reply
#21: Lod To: Esso, Dakmar, men here (#19)
Lod posted on 2022-02-19 15:41:58 Reply Private Reply
#22: Dakmar To: Lod (#21)
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:47:02 Reply Private Reply
#23: Esso To: Dakmar, Lod, 4um (#22)
I dunno. I'd whip out my putty knife & scrape ya if you showed up in that gold leaf thing.
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:52:27 Reply Private Reply
#24: Dakmar To: Esso, Lod (#23)
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 15:55:46 Reply Private Reply
#25: Esso To: Dakmar (#22)
" WHAT COLOR ARE YOU? " 1967 RACE, ETHNICITY & SKIN TONE SOCIAL GUIDANCE EDUCATIONAL FILM JC10034
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:56:40 Reply Private Reply
#26: Esso To: Dakmar, Lod, 4um (#24)
What the hell do you know? I might be a really cute chik.
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 15:58:53 Reply Private Reply
#27: Dakmar To: Esso (#25)
The do-rights would be hilarious if they didn't have their blood soaked fingers jammed directly into the frontal lobes of ninety percent of the population.
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 16:02:18 Reply Private Reply
#28: Dakmar To: Esso (#26)
Are you an African Princess? I think I got an email from you. Do you still need my password?
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 16:03:29 Reply Private Reply
#29: Esso To: Dakmar (#28)
Hot blooded Russian babe.
Yes.
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 16:05:12 Reply Private Reply
#30: Esso To: Dakmar (#27)
Congratulations, you beat me by 30 seconds.
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 16:06:23 Reply Private Reply
#31: Dakmar To: Esso (#29)
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 16:09:28 Reply Private Reply
#32: Dakmar To: Esso (#30)
I am, after all, a professional. :)
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 16:10:27 Reply Private Reply
#33: Esso To: Dakmar, 4um (#32)
Female swimmers could send a 'powerful message' after trans swimmer 'smashes' records
Esso posted on 2022-02-19 18:47:58 Reply Private Reply
#34: Dakmar To: Esso (#33)
Once I'm coronated as Grand Inquisitor, this song will accompany any discussion of girls with penii.
Dakmar posted on 2022-02-19 19:31:51 Reply Private Reply