Time for some levity, I think....
WASHINGTON, D.C. — There was great rejoicing in the GOP yesterday as former Democrat Tulsi Gabbard finally realized that she's far too good-looking to be a Democrat.
Sources close to Gabbard say the realization was a long time in coming, but that she finally decided to switch sides after realizing that she didn't blend in at all.
"I'd felt very out of place for a while now," Gabbard said as she announced she was now a Republican. "Everyone around me was either a creepy perv like Walz or a mummy like Pelosi or some uggo like Kamala. And then half of the Dems were just trans and pretending to be the other gender, honestly. I'm just glad to be joining the party with all the lookers, you know? Finally settled that one. Second Amendment, can I get an amen?"
Attractiveness experts agreed that Gabbard no longer had a place among the "sea of androgynous bags" that make up the Democrat Party. "We're so glad she finally realizes how gorgeous she is," said attractiveness expert Bubbs Bronson from Fort Wayne, Indiana. "Easy on the eyes, that's for sure!"
Gabbard is currently ranked as 43rd best-looking member of the GOP, 21 spots below Thomas Massie, and far from attractive enough to displace someone at the top of the food chain like Ted Cruz. However, sources at Fox News say that she's more than attractive enough to get a spot at their outlet whenever she retires from politics.
At publishing time, Gabbard had been demoted another three spots on the GOP Attractiveness Index after conservative and ridiculously handsome political commentator Ben Shapiro had called out her abortion policies.
#1: BTP Holdings To: Pinguinite (#0)
BTP Holdings posted on 2024-10-26 20:04:57 Reply Private Reply
#2: Pinguinite To: All (#0)
Only if she agrees to goes full blonde.
Pinguinite posted on 2024-10-27 00:38:13 Reply Private Reply
#3: Esso To: Pinguinite (#2)
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 01:04:25 Reply Private Reply
#4: Dakmar To: Pinguinite, Esso (#2)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:08:59 Reply Private Reply
#5: Dakmar To: Esso (#3)
"i've wasted it so..."
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:24:55 Reply Private Reply
#6: Esso To: Dakmar (#4)
That made me so mad. Kim.
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 01:26:25 Reply Private Reply
#7: Dakmar To: Esso (#3)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:28:28 Reply Private Reply
#8: Dakmar To: Esso (#6)
"Never get involved" - Dakmar! :)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:29:56 Reply Private Reply
#9: Esso To: All (#6)
That was a long time ago when Kim was showing me off. Gals still like men.
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 01:31:17 Reply Private Reply
#10: Dakmar To: Esso (#9)
It was either this, or Alice Cooper "Dead Babies", I have to entertain my audience...
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:35:02 Reply Private Reply
#11: Esso To: Dakmar (#10)
I just want him with me. I've seen it.
Kim
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 01:42:37 Reply Private Reply
#12: Dakmar To: Esso, Kim (#11)
that wasn't it, lol
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:46:35 Reply Private Reply
#13: Esso To: Kimmy, Dakmar, Sling Blade, 4um (#11)
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 01:48:09 Reply Private Reply
#14: Dakmar To: Esso (#13)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:51:25 Reply Private Reply
#15: Dakmar To: Esso, Kim (#14)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 01:59:48 Reply Private Reply
#16: Esso To: Dakmar (#14)
Love you Dakkie. I'm tired, I want to go home.
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 02:00:57 Reply Private Reply
#17: Dakmar To: Esso (#16)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:06:37 Reply Private Reply
#18: Dakmar To: Esso (#16)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:11:56 Reply Private Reply
#19: Esso To: Dakmar (#17)
Gawd, that is as hot as Cari's perfume after a trip to the liquor store.
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 02:15:40 Reply Private Reply
#20: Dakmar To: Esso (#19)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:26:26 Reply Private Reply
#21: Esso To: Dakmar (#19)
Kim
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 02:28:12 Reply Private Reply
#22: Dakmar To: Esso, Kim (#21)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:32:49 Reply Private Reply
#23: Dakmar To: Esso (#16)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:37:43 Reply Private Reply
#24: Dakmar To: Esso, Kim (#21)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:40:22 Reply Private Reply
#25: Esso To: Dakmar (#24)
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 02:50:09 Reply Private Reply
#26: Dakmar To: Esso (#25)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:51:24 Reply Private Reply
#27: Dakmar To: Esso (#25)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 02:58:44 Reply Private Reply
#28: Dakmar To: Esso (#25)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 03:04:07 Reply Private Reply
#29: Esso To: Dakmar (#26)
That was the worst funeral ever. The thing I sent Betty was the thing they put at the head of her casket. I about fainted.
They were just hillbillies, I'm just a rich one.
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 03:13:43 Reply Private Reply
#30: Dakmar To: Esso (#29)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 03:16:14 Reply Private Reply
#31: Esso To: Dakmar (#30)
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 03:23:23 Reply Private Reply
#32: Dakmar To: Esso (#31)
Dakmar posted on 2024-10-27 03:26:55 Reply Private Reply
#33: Esso To: Dakmar (#32)
Esso posted on 2024-10-27 03:33:54 Reply Private Reply
#34: Pinguinite To: Dakmar (#4)
Pinguinite posted on 2024-10-27 09:50:53 Reply Private Reply