Sorry Ghostrider, no dad jokes today

Source: Freedom4um
Published: 2026-02-28
Author: Pacman
Post Date: 2026-02-28 18:57:46 by Esso
Views: 130

I've got a bootleg Arabic Fox News rebroadcast running in the background.

It's 100% Iran horseshit.
X is 99% Iran. 1% Epstein filth.

Kimmy's here, she wants a simple dinner and some dicq, I hope.



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#1: Esso    To: All (#0)

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Esso posted on 2026-02-28 19:04:38   Reply   Private Reply

#2: ghostrider    To: Esso (#0)

the grocery store pissed me off to point of saying fuck it and just left the cart in the deli area and walked away, the damned carts for the most part pull one way or the other. one of my daughters has worked for the chain for over a decade, right now I believe she is head of the produce department I kind of wonder if they'll get on her about the cart everyone there who is anybody knows me. I've been shopping there since '96. I know I'm not getting any dicq, ever.

ghostrider posted on 2026-02-28 20:24:25   Reply   Private Reply

#3: ghostrider    To: Esso (#1)

Jimmy and Johnny attend a square dance during the depression. Johnny an otherwise handsome young man had lost an eye in a farming accident. Johnny's father not having the money to purchase a glass eye, carved a prosthetic eye from wood. Johnny was quite self conscious because of his missing eye.

Soon after arriving at the dance, Johnny tells Jimmy he believes no girl will dance with him.

Jimmy tells him he just has to pick the right girl, and suggests Betty who has a harelip but is a very nice girl, whom has never been asked to dance.

Johnny builds his courage, approaches Betty, and asks, "Betty, would you like to dance?" Betty delighted to finally have been asked exclaims, "Would I, Would I?"

Johnny shoves Betty aside and shouts, "Harelip, harelip, harelip!".

ghostrider posted on 2026-02-28 20:51:13   Reply   Private Reply

#4: ghostrider    To: ghostrider (#3)

My wife left me for a deaf guy… 

I should have seen the signs

ghostrider posted on 2026-02-28 20:52:45   Reply   Private Reply

#5: Esso    To: ghostrider (#3)

"Would I, would I?"

LOL.
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Esso posted on 2026-02-28 21:12:17   Reply   Private Reply

#6: ghostrider    To: ghostrider (#3)

I am a professional field painter for the NFL 

I started my career in the late '90s working for different schools in the NCAA painting their end zones. Field painting is really an art and requires a lot of concentration, planning ahead, and a keen eye for detail. Through the years I have worked hard to establish a reputation as the best in the business and as such, I currently do all of the lines and end zones for every team in the NFL.

This success has led to other athletic organizations to reaching out. I could go on and on about how the NHL and NBA keep asking me to paint their rinks and courts, but I dye grass.

ghostrider posted on 2026-02-28 21:12:37   Reply   Private Reply

#7: ghostrider    To: Esso (#5)

my dad told me a variation of that one when I was young, and barn dances were still common. move a couple hay bales in the loft and it'd fit two people as long as they were stacked one atop the other

ghostrider posted on 2026-02-28 21:32:06   Reply   Private Reply

#8: Esso    To: ghostrider (#7)

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Esso posted on 2026-02-28 21:45:09   Reply   Private Reply

#9: ghostrider    To: Esso (#8)

there was a taker




ghostrider posted on 2026-02-28 22:37:20   Reply   Private Reply

#10: Esso    To: ghostrider (#9)

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Esso posted on 2026-03-01 12:10:37   Reply   Private Reply

#11: Esso    To: ghostrider (#9)

I'm functionally illiterate, but this is wrong on so many levels. Goodwyns. LOL. Bottom-up design, I guess, and they only had four.
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Kim got a kick out of your wood-eye joke. She's almost as cynical and sardonic as I am.
She liked the onion rings I made us for a snack last night.
I've already got her pinned down about what she wants for dinner. Beef and noodles.
"For everything, there is a first time." - Capt. James T. Kirk

Esso posted on 2026-03-01 13:12:27   Reply   Private Reply

#12: Esso    To: All (#11)

I got one of those tubes of biscuits at the store yesterday. I was going to make sausage gravy and biscuits for breakfast, but we didn't get out of bed until about noon.
I suppose there's worse things.

Esso posted on 2026-03-01 13:44:47   Reply   Private Reply

#13: Esso    To: All (#11)

""For everything, there is a first time." - Capt. James T. Kirk"

My co-pilot has informed me that I'm wrong.
Kim says it was from the movie "Star Trek II, The Wrath of Kahn" and it was Spock and not Kirk.
Exact quote: Spock: For everything, there is a first time, lieutenant.
Right she is.

Doc says I'm getting senile.
We all know she's not here for my mind.
She needs me for my cooking and dicq.
Both are easily replaced by GrubHub/DoorDash and a piece of plastic.

"A man's got to know his limitations." - Clint Eastwood in one of the "Dirty Harry" movies.
I think.


Esso posted on 2026-03-01 14:17:39   Reply   Private Reply

#14: Esso    To: All (#13)

PT 109 (1963) It must've just dropped. I haven't seen it in a long time. Good movie as I recall. Long, 2:20:11


Esso posted on 2026-03-01 14:22:09   Reply   Private Reply

#15: Esso    To: All (#13)

My co-pilot has informed me that I'm wrong.
Don't forget that this month we're celebrating those three days when men are always right; February 29, 30 and 31 - iFunny
I missed it. I was probably on a bender.

FAKE NEWS:
February Memes and Images - Imgur

Esso posted on 2026-03-01 15:24:37   Reply   Private Reply

#16: Esso    To: ghostrider (#15)

Two lovers decided to suicide.

The boy jumped first. The girl closed her eyes and went back home.

While falling, the boy opened his parachute and said, I knew that bitch wouldn't jump!

From that day onwards, people started saying, Ladies first.

Esso posted on 2026-03-02 00:52:15   Reply   Private Reply