Maine Dems Explain They Can Either Do 'No Rape' Or 'No Incest' But Not Both

Source: Babylon Bee
Published: 2026-08-01
Author: Babylon Bee
Post Date: 2026-08-01 14:25:15 by Esso
Views: 506

AUGUSTA, ME — The Democratic Party of Maine explained to voters that they can do "no rape" or "no incest", but not both.

After carefully reviewing the slate of possible Democratic Senate candidates in Maine, party leaders informed voters that they'll simply have to settle for one or the other.

"What do these people expect from us when they say we can't run a rapist?" said party leader Mike Prather. "Once you take all of the rapists out of the equation, it's just a bunch of liberals sleeping with their cousins. Those are your options, Maine. Honestly, we're getting pretty frustrated with these voters and their ridiculous expectations. Deal with it, people."

Despite the party's statement, some voters have remained hopeful that at least one Democrat could be found that had not committed rape or incest. "Surely, there's one liberal in this state who hasn't slept with his cousin or committed sexual assault," said local woman Denise Gaines. "I just have to believe we have at least one non-rape, non-incest option. I'm not giving up yet."

At publishing time, the state Democratic Party of Maine had announced the discovery of a "no rape or incest" candidate, but with the caveat that he died in 1902.

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#1: Esso    To: All (#0)

PET VACCINES = TURBO CANCER EPIDEMIC

Younger and younger dogs & cats are dying from aggressive “TURBO CANCER” — and holistic vet Dr. Judy Jasek is sounding the alarm: “Toxicity in PET VACCINES is triggering a full-blown CANCER epidemic in our animals.”

Healthy pets get their routine shots… then suddenly face tumors exploding months later. Now Big Pharma is shoving mRNA technology into pet injections — and the cancer rates are skyrocketing even faster.

This isn’t “rare” anymore. It’s happening to family pets left and right, right after boosters packed with toxic adjuvants and gene-therapy bioweapons.

Your dogs and cats can’t speak — but you can.

STOP BLINDLY ALLOWING THEM TO GET INJECTIONS.

Question every shot. Demand answers. Protect the ones who depend on you.

They’re FAMILY — not lab rats for profit.

 

 

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 15:05:43   Reply   Private Reply


#2: Esso    To: Dakmar, ghostrider (#1)

The $150K Trap: Why Your Dream Corvette ZR1 Might Leave You Stranded

You saved. You planned. You bought the most ferocious Corvette ever built — 1,064 horsepower of American muscle. Congratulations. Now let's talk about why it might be one of the worst financial decisions you've ever made.

The road isn't yours anymore.

Speed limits haven't moved. Cameras have multiplied. And every public road you drive on was designed for a vehicle doing 65 mph, not 212. The ZR1's performance envelope exists almost entirely in a legal no-fly zone.

Your insurer is watching.

Modern telematics don't just log accidents. They log hard acceleration. They log spirited cornering. They log the exact behavior a 1,000-hp car was built to produce. You bought a machine that tempts you — and your insurer is waiting for you to give in.

Then comes the spiral.

A few hard launches. One aggressive merge. Suddenly you're flagged. Premiums spike. Then comes non-renewal. Then the surplus market. Then, if you're unlucky enough, the state-assigned risk pool — punitively priced insurance of last resort. Your $150K car is now legally undriveable unless you can absorb rates that would make your eyes water.

The brutal irony.

You pay a premium to own something you're financially punished for using as designed. The car is engineered for extremes. The system around it — roads, laws, insurers, cameras — is engineered against them.

Is there any rational case for it?

Track days, yes. The sensory experience at legal speeds is genuinely different from a normal car, yes. As a collectible, sometimes. But for most buyers? It's status. It's fantasy. It's the same logic as a professional kitchen knife owned by someone who reheats takeout.

That's fine — humans buy feelings all the time. Just be honest about what you're actually purchasing.

Because if you're not wealthy enough to self-insure, absorb pool premiums, or eat the depreciation of a car you can't drive — the ZR1 isn't a dream. It's a very expensive, very loud financial liability.

And before you say "but mine is a Porsche" — or a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, a Shelby, or any other machine built to go faster than the law allows — stop. The trap has a different badge on it. The logic is exactly the same.

I could buy just about any car that I wanted. What stops me now is the cost of insurance, and to a lesser degree, plates.

I just paid my car premiums. My '93 GMC Sonoma that Sling blade drives, with PLPD, is as expensive as my 2013 Tacoma with full coverage. V6 vs. 4cyl.

For some damn reason the plates on the '93 Sonoma are as much on the 20 year newer Toyota. The plates on the 2010 Clown Car are about $30 bux cheaper.

I have no idea how Indiana is figuring cost of plates anymore. It used to be about 7% of vehicle value (yearly sales tax).

I miss cars being fun.

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 17:03:58   Reply   Private Reply


#3: Esso    To: ghostrider (#2)

Fwiw, I did an off-the-cuff calculation of insurance costs. It's roughly between one to two bux a mile.
Granted, if we drove a lot more that would be a lot less. We don't drive a lot, gasoline costs are negligible.
Sling Blade gets the shit end of that stick. Red truck's 3.8 litre Buick V6 is the worst of the bunch.
He said it needs a new cat-back exhaust. The parts should be pretty reasonable, he does the work himself.
The Clown Car although it only has a one litre 3-cyl, gets less than 30 MPG. It's pretty powerful now that Chip tuned it up.

My guest is here. I better get dinner on the fire.
Maybe we'll come back later depending on how spun-up she is from work.

Fag...

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

I just like the pic...

 

 

 

 

Two doors...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 19:07:19   Reply   Private Reply


#4: Horse    To: Esso (#3)

So how is the weekend going?

Horse posted on 2026-08-01 21:00:34   Reply   Private Reply


#5: Esso    To: Horse (#4)

Kim was making a post about my drama (lost mail) and my CPU shut down due to a high temp limit.

She wanted to post this video, my drama is over until next week. I hope.

Kim said fuck this BS.

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 21:13:44   Reply   Private Reply


#6: Esso    To: Horse (#4)

I'm probably gonna get brain cancer from being on the phone for over an hour with Mike [a sister's caregiver].

Apparently it's a problem getting a letter 125 miles west of me with USPS.

I'm sure the NSC data center AI had a good time trying to trap me, in Idaho or wherever it is.

FU. 

Kim's taking great delight in seeing me with stupid problems.

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 21:30:23   Reply   Private Reply


#7: Esso    To: All (#6)

Pac's pretty unhappy. Maybe I should give give him a trazodone to knock him out and start again tomorrow.
Kim

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 21:42:32   Reply   Private Reply


#8: Horse    To: Esso (#7)

To Kim
 My goal is to avoid traditional Big Pharma medicine.
I did get a smallpox vax when I was a child.
I only got 2 vaxxes as an adult when I worked for Mass General Hospital in Boston.
A tetanus shot and a polio vax. 
3 vaxxes spread over 80 years.
I recently poised a video about high quality olive oil killing appetite better GLP 1.
I now take one teaspoon of olive oil before every meal on one slice of organic sprouted multi-grain bread
along with an organic tomato. It kills appetite. So far I have lost 47 pounds on my diet.
Not one doctor ever told me my diet was deficient in taurine and glycine,
I had to figure that out on my own.
My health is far better now that I have taken charge of my health.

Horse posted on 2026-08-01 22:10:21   Reply   Private Reply


#9: Esso    To: All (#7)

Anybody that knows me knows me knows that the secret airbase is closed when Doc is here.
Mike from Alabama, in Portage now hasn't heard the rules, until tonight.
Hopefully he does now.
Jesus Christ, I'm not gonna scam somebody over $450 bux.

I promise I won't go muzz on Kimmy. She's fine, as am I.

 

I think Doc might've had a rougher ride than me. We don't talk much about it.

 

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 22:12:55   Reply   Private Reply


#10: Esso    To: All (#9)

Jim is the kindest and most gentle man I've ever known. I don't know what he did before we got back together fourty years before.
He loves animals. he crys over animal abuse videos.

Jim's very kind. Nobody wants for anything if Pac loves you.

Kim

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 22:21:41   Reply   Private Reply


#11: Esso    To: Sling Blade (#10)

At Angie's funeral last year, it was my first that the preacher played music.
I leaned over to my ex-wife, and said, [Kim was working and didn't know Ange] God, 'The Dance'.

Maybe my Godson [Sling Blade] should expand his DJ repatrauor [I know that's wrong] to funerals as well as of weddings.

Just a thought... He might have to get black though.

I just thought about that. Jon could carry his mixer board and could splice it in to the funeral homes PA systems.

He wouldn't have to carry his trailer with 120DBa speakers and the BS.

Just thinking. More folks die than get married.

The preacher fumbling with an i DooDad wasn't ideal.

My flowers to the right of Angie's cremains made me proud. To the right of Chris's family's [Angie's left] of her mock casket. 

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 23:15:11   Reply   Private Reply


#12: Esso    To: All (#11)

Doc says I'm done, see you Monday maybe.
Been a hard day. 
I need someone to protect me.

 

Esso posted on 2026-08-01 23:33:41   Reply   Private Reply


#13: Prefrontal Vortex    To: Esso (#0)

Babylon Bee is a ZOG mouthpiece.

Prefrontal Vortex posted on 2026-08-03 07:55:48   Reply   Private Reply